Why we believe in open adoption

Adoption

Every worthy cause comes with risk. In open adoption, sometimes the risk glares at you, daring you to take him on. Sometimes, risk smiles sweetly at you, making you think that maybe it isn’t such a big deal, maybe it won’t happen to you. After all, this is your story, not theirs.

I was in the first category, and I decided I would ask Risk if he wanted to jump in my backpack on this journey we call life. There is a part of me that likes hard things. Probably the same part of me that likes sitting in the rain in the middle of a thunderstorm. It is that piece that is longing for the weight of life to remind me what it means to be alive.

For three months, we were asked to love a young woman as family, and her daughter as our own. After what has transpired in the past few weeks, many must be wondering “Is it worth it?”

Ron and I will always respond “Yes.” Sometimes enthusiastically, lately very soberly, but always “Yes.”

It is worth this pain for the privilege to be available as a choice for young women who feel they don’t have one.

It is worth this pain to enjoy the three months of utter joy of having a new sister and friend.

It is worth the pain to have just one week of holding a precious little one as mine.

Although we desire to grow our family, that is not why we choose open adoption; there are so many other ways to bring children in. We choose this way because we believe in a the value of a child’s history. We believe that once a grandma, always a grandma, and no one need to fear losing that relationship. We choose open adoption because we believe women should have the right to choose between placing and parenting, without having to choose between losing and keeping.

We place our hearts on the line because we cannot stand by and say somebody should do something. We have to step up. We are no strangers to grief. We know we can survive. There are too many others who can’t for us to say we won’t.

And, in reality, any other method we may choose to grow our family just gives the illusion of control. Here, all control is plainly in the hands of someone else, which makes us turn to Some One Else.

*disclaimer — all ramblings are coming from a place of grief, and are therapeutic in nature for the writer. Please forgive any wrong views that may be presented during this time, and trust that the Father will catch them as we walk through this process.

What is a Lifebook? …and a peek into our life

Adoption,

Last week, I drove up to Tulsa to see Kelly Buck.  Rusty and Kelly Buck have already adopted from CPO and Kelly volunteered at CPO for a while afterwards helping families like us and birthmoms.

For the past 12 years, we have been almost friends with the Bucks.  We had many mutual friends in college, and they were part of the original team in Portland until Rusty started medical school, and we moved up after they had already moved.  No longer.  We are refusing to let an hour and a half drive stand in the way of forming a friendship.  It helps because now we drive to Tulsa once a month for CPO meetings anyway.

In Tulsa, Kelly helped me come up with a master plan for our lifebook.  Our lifebook will be our first contact with the birthmoms.  In it, we will have lots of pictures of us being us with the people we love.  Women who are looking to place their children will look through the books and decide which families to interview.  When she chooses a family, she will keep that book.  Thankfully, all the books are done through Shutterfly.  That means even if my book looks bad, it can’t look too bad.

The idea of a lifebook is intimidating, but Kelly helped me get over most of that and now I am in the process of digging for pictures.  The hardest so far is Baylor.  We did download several pictures from our friends’ Facebook albums to fill in other areas because most of our pictures of us are weird, awkward selfies.

In other news…Saturday we drove down to Dallas and met our friends Reece and Sarah and their kids at the airport as they flew in from Portland and drove to the the Roby’s house for a mini-reunion.  We were all in lifegroup together in Portland.

1379975_10101118498721483_1752738055_npictures and collage by Sarah Wilkinson

Then, we drove with the Wilkinson’s down to Tyler (Reece’s hometown) and spent a couple of days crashing their family time.  In the middle of this, Ron found out we needed to stop in Sherman on our way home for him to meet with a few landowners for work.  Now, we are back in OKC and recovering from squeezing every ounce of energy to spend with our dear friends we only see once a year.

What is CPO?

Adoption

If you have been around Ron and I, you will have heard us say CPO multiple times.

CPO stands for Crisis Pregnancy Outreach.  It is a ministry out of Tulsa, OK, and it is where our future child’s birthmom will hear about us.

CPO began about 30 years as a care center for girls in the Tulsa area who were experiencing a crisis pregnancy.  CPO offers weekly support group meetings, assistance with arrangements for medical care and transportation for appointments, parenting classes, a place to stay during pregnancy, and a mentoring program to help those experiencing unplanned pregnancies make the best decision for her and her child’s future.  These services are offered free of charge, whether the woman decides to parent or place her child in a new family.

In addition to the services above, they also are a licensed adoption agency, and a pioneer in Oklahoma for open adoptions.  Simply put, an open adoption is one where a relationship exists between the birthmom and adoptive family.  It can look very different for each family, but the heart of an open adoption is to always have the child’s best interest in mind, and validating the special relationship the birthmother will always have with our family.  Fear can cause us to hold relationships and things tightly, but an open adoption will challenge Ron and I every day to relax and trust God’s plan.

Another aspect of CPO that makes it different from other agencies, is that it is entirely volunteer run.  No staff member receives a salary of any kind.  Yet, CPO is one of the most professionally run organizations I have ever experienced.  Each event and service is executed with excellence, and Ron and I are truly cared for and prayed for.

And that brings me to my favorite thing about CPO: I know and can feel every aspect is covered by prayer, which must be why I feel safe enough to even THINK about running a 5k.  I am pretty sure without fail I stopped to “tie” my shoe every lap in PE, even in 1st grade running around the playground.  This will definitely be an interesting adventure.

 

 

Superhero Run

Adoption,

superhero5kCPO SuperHero Run, November 16

Our birthmoms are our heroes.

Birthmoms who choose to place their child in a different family, choose this out of love.  It is a superhero action to soberly look at the situation and decide where your child will flourish.  Crisis Pregnancy Outreach is a ministry to birthmoms, creating a safe place and providing resources to allow these heroes to be who they are.  CPO provides unbiased counseling, medical care, and resources to support either parenting or placing their child.

This year, we are celebrating the first annual 5k Super Hero Run.  CPO keeps their costs for adoption low in two ways:  volunteers and contributions.  This allows a family like ours to adopt a child for about 1/3 the cost of the national average for a private domestic adoption.  The entry fees and corporate sponsorships for the event will go directly to CPO to care for birthmoms.

Ron and I will both be signing up for the 5k.  I do not currently run, but I am setting a goal to be able to *mostly* run the Super Hero Run on November 16.  Today, I set out at a fast walk, and completed 5k in under 50 minutes.

If you live in the OKC/Tulsa area and would like to sign up, let me know.  I have not formed a team yet, but I am thinking about it.  We can carpool up together, even though it will be early.  There is also a 1k family walk, in case anyone is interested.

The Next Adventure

Adoption

For seven years of marriage, our family has been through lots of adventures and seasons. Waco – where we met, fell in love, and bought a house, and formed relationships that shaped our family culture. Portland – where we moved home, found a people who carried that same culture, and saw the Kingdom come in the lives around us. As gypsies – moving from place to place as the wind blew, minimal responsibilities and things; living simply in all areas of life.

Finally, we are in our season of growing our family. The next few posts will be cataloging our journey as we move forward with adoption. In future updates, I hope to answer questions on what is open adoption, why we are choosing this for our family, as well as give updates on our progress.

Please bear with me as we are in the learning process as well.

Kansas Gold

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For the past four months, Ron and I have enjoyed the golden riches of Kansas…starting with the wheat harvest, then the demise of corn crops, and finally the maturing milo.  Not to mention the sunflowers on the side of the road during July and the multiple varieties of goldenrod in September.  

We have enjoyed the hospitality of our new golden-haired friends at Two Blondes Bakery in WaKeeney, who cooked us breakfast and packed us lunches everyday.  (Thanks Penny and Sue!) 

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We have tasted golden bierocks, golden Kansas brews, and golden service!  All in all we had a blast.  I believe we have now seen 4 out of the 8 “Wonders of Kansas” and have loved every minute of it!

Our experiences have been diverse, and our lives have been full!  A Monster Truck Rally, gunfight reenactment, Boot hill, Blues at the Zoo, classic car show, the largest hand dug well, an underground salt mine muesum, the COOLEST eco friendly town EVER, and 3 different beautiful old soda fountains, just to name a few.

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Now, we are in Oklahoma City and experiencing life here.  Next on the list is a visit to Portland, then a couple more weeks of work in OKC, and finally, the holidays.  I will do better about filling everybody in…maybe

The Christmas story in 3 minutes…

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Most people love babies.  And if they don’t love babies, they love the idea of babies.  And if they don’t love the idea of babies, I don’t know what they love, but that isn’t what this is about.  This is about why it is beautiful that people care so much that other people have babies.  Specifically, that they care about me.

I feel that there are two types of prayer when it comes to future babies.  There are those that don’t normally pray for it, but did because they felt The Spirit was doing something.  These are almost easier because no personal feeling is attached.

The other type looks different for different people.  It starts with a hint of sadness as I tell my story.  The sadness is more like a little dark spot in the back of the eyes.  Then, there is the connection, and the sad spot catches on fire and blazes with hope.  The sadness comes from a longing for a promised child with a lack of control to do anything about it.  The hope comes from the realization that something can be done, they can pray.

You see, I think part of being human is feeling our collective story over and over again through little stories we experience.  Romantic Comedies, Disney princess movies, you name it.  The ones at the end where you feel encouraged are the ones where love wins.  Part of the collective story that we re-live throughout life is the coming of Jesus. The wait between promise and fulfillment was built in our souls and when we hear stories about desired babies (promised or not), it awakens the story once again.  In a small way, the fact that Jesus wasn’t here is felt through the fact that this baby isn’t here.

Then, there is the “I want _______ to pray for you.”  or “Can I pray for you?”

I used to get annoyed with all kinds of excuses which I wouldn’t voice.  The most prominent one being, “If you pray, then that means something is wrong.  Let’s just all move forward in faith that everything is okay.  I mean, we haven’t even been trying the average time yet.”  

I would say yes anyway, and I started witnessing something special.  I learned they needed to pray for me more than I needed them.  I learned that as they prayed, the God of Peace comforted their hearts with the truth that Christmas has come.  Those that connect with my story need an outlet to express this longing for a promised child, and this moment touches the built in desire for another Child.  Through praying for me, they are reminded that the Promised One has already come, and by the end of the prayer, I see the Light shine through their eyes.  The assurance that the Promise has been fulfilled and the Promised Child is here among us.  

“Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord….Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will among men.”

From the mouths of babes…

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Yesterday was amazing.  

This summer, the kids and I have been learning how to “soak” in God’s Presence.  We have a small lesson learning about our hearts, then we lay down and listen to God with music playing in the background, and three minutes later we circle up and share what we heard and felt during that time.  It is so special.

Yesterday was different.

Yesterday, as I walked around and prayed for them, they did not stay silent.  Two of them started talking quietly.  When I listened, the few words I could make out were “Thank you for…”  Our lesson was not on the power of a thankful heart, though we have talked about it before.  Then, all of the sudden, like popcorn, kids were sitting up and sharing what they were feeling or hearing in the moment, and then laying back down.  Each statement was said with so much wonder that it could not be interpreted as anything other than praise.

“I feel Jesus in my tummy!  It’s a present.”

“He said He loves me!”

“He is always with me!”

And on and on.  Unfortunately, I was the dull adult in the room that was worried about distractions at first, and my response to the first few was, “Great!  This is a time to listen.  We can share later.”  Thankfully, that didn’t get in God’s way, and I caught on.  Later, when we talked about what we felt or heard, the same one who talked about feeling Jesus and it being a present, also said he had “felt” a Christmas tree with presents.  He put a feeling and a picture together and came up with a decent interpretation, that I believe is quite biblical.  Jesus is definitely the best gift of all.

Oh, and these are 3, 4, and 5 year-olds, just in case you were wondering.  

And what was my morning like before church?  A mess.  Grace to walk without anxiety, but I also walked into church right before it started.  Parents were playing with their kids upstairs before I got there.  I missed preservice prayer.  I didn’t get to step foot into the “adult” worship service.  But God’s grace abounded for me to still be able to enjoy whatever was right in front of me.  That morning, Kingdom Kids functioned as a true body of Christ, sharing the revelation they received in the best way they knew how.  That morning, Jesus was their teacher, and I had the privilege to facilitate.

P.S.  I love my job!