Those Empty Relationships ..
[This is an old post written in 2009. The post has been left unedited to reflect old thoughts]
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After a long time, I am vella , feeling a bit relaxed . But I am allergic to the emptiness which creeps in , after completion of some task , First reaction is the thought what to do now ? Watch a movie, ? No :( , Read a novel ? No :( Listen to some music? No :( , then out of boredom and without much options , finally I switched on my laptop , as I do when I m not left with much things to do. I logged in to my email account, and started browsing through the mails aimlessly ; read ones, unread ones, sent ones , labeled ones. and ….blah blah .. After browsing through first few pages, I started surfing them in reverse order from oldest to older. And the whole of past 4–5 years were right in front of me. Some mails were written by the people whom I don’t even remember now. Some were written just for the heck of it, Some were deeper ones, Some were TP types , But one thing is sure ,they took me several years back , as if I was re-living those times again, every thing flashed back in front of me ,Events and happenings at that point of time , how I used to think, how I used to imagine, my thought process at that time and so on. It was like a journey in a Time machine to the past.
I have been playing a game since my childhood. I analyze a situation, sometimes present, sometimes future and try to list down all the possibilities which can happen, with their respective probabilities. I am mostly precise when I speculate with in small time frame. But as the time frame gets broadened, the number of variables, factors increases exponentially, so my approximation suffers accordingly. This journey wasn’t only a feeling of nostalgia , but also about a lot of introspection, comparisons, analysis of what I am and what I was, A careful thought about how I wanted to be and how I turned out to be, how I had planned things and how they are.
I was scrutinizing my present in relation with my past in a bigger time frame and how the destiny has given its final rulings. In a way, an evaluation of how I fared in the game. Came out of this tortuous chain of thoughts with a phone call and realized, I have just wasted approximately 3 hours in this unnecessary thinking and day dreaming. A lot of stuff is required to share and learn from these empty relationships!
