To Be Held

by Blood Howl

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  • To Be Held Cassette
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Limited supply cassette recorded to hi-fi tape by the Toxic Stoke Collective.

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1.
2.
you are nothing set to fall you are mighty built the prison walls i am helpless underdog but you will bow and be in thrall it's in the blood where the demons grow it's in the blood won't make it thru you will depart from here we'll make you disappear I burn with hatred you will not make it you got that devil blood you are the devil's son you work with devil's hands you are the devil's plan I want to live where little garden grows I want to smile while pale flesh burns below I am a god I am serene A noble cause A holy means We are beautiful You will die We are god Say goodnight Say goodnight
3.
I see the light little hearts beat side be side I will join the night the wilderness open wide so delicate, so new in burst and bloom first words, where petals flew we are redeemed in bloom within the stem I am born again a holy pen, no ink within we grow we come to go against the grain but with the flow we fly into the night I show my teeth with tearful eyes it's love that we never learn repeat the message - just goes unheard It's life - we fail to live the sun is out but are sleeping in (we are sleeping in) my hands are in the dirt to put my blade to work
4.
The Slog 04:18
A tombstone where reason lies a battlefield inside come ye holy and ye profane discard your loss and gain the voice of G-d crushed flower sweet guts on the outside raging inside me little ones in mother's arms "lets go down to the chicken farm" - (Dead Kennedys) where is the fire? where is the blood? where are the angels, sounding golden horns? where is the choir? with mouth of swords? Where are the trumpets? Let thy will be done, all flesh comes undone. ...are we supposed to do it ourselves? ...are we supposed to do it ourselves? Don't forget he flipped the tables Don't forget! Don't forget! [incoherent scream] Eloi, lama sabachthani? Eloi, lama sabacthanai? Oh, father! Why have you forsaken me? My father! Am I not as I was made?
5.
Hold me, with blurry eyes I am waylaid, by endless night Hold me, in my decline Let me kiss you one last time A moon rise to carry you a good night to be born into a new world with new eyes a sweet home to leave my flesh behind But now I see the signs I see the holy name written under mine And I won't be afraid You'll lick the wounds I'll keep the days And I will let it go my flowered bones melting in the snow and we we are the same I'll go before to light the way I'll go before I will light the way I can feel you Angels know your name Burn me up in flame
6.
I will walk in the dark I am host to parasites tell me brother, do you see? My tiny little guiding light? Oh! How they writhe! my little friends on the inside compel my fealty and I will waste my life for the Oh, how they writhe! my little friends on the inside Oh! I will bleed Eat up my years so you can feed You are the eater of days! at least it pays It was a beautiful, golden lie That little slaves, they could possess their minds
7.
Holy Wound 04:10
Upon my flesh a burning seam From which to birth my sanctity Upon my soul a frozen brand I lift it up with rotted hands to make amends Now let me breathe it in unfurl the fire within Spear wielded - rivers flow And harrow hell below and harrow hell below Weak flesh a shallow sire all rots and will retire weak minds hold it close weak hearts love it most NO I will not go you will not take me down below No Weak voice within Grasp your blade demon! Make your stand! Holy wound all renewed Holy wound Get well soon
8.
Animal Soul 04:07
Empty head - hollow from the pain Rotting hand - never held a thing Sacrificed, burn to nothing soon Hello hell, "Goodnight Moon" (Margaret Wise Brown) I will be big I will be strong I eat the flesh No will to carry on I hunger I must feed You are meat Let me eat Come get me out! Get me out! Dad, get me out! GET ME OUT! You have to die for my new lawn You have to die for Microsoft Unruly children never learn! You have an animal soul.
9.
I see the fire Falling I see the caskets come round again I heard the devil make a sound I had the bones of shame rise up to me from underground I smell the world Like rotting flesh I see the stars drip down from hollow heads I heard the devil make a sound He sounded nice He sounded proud Worship me! Worship me! Wash off your hands Put on your clothes Turn off the light No one will know I saw him rise I saw him walk the earth Radiant, a flower in the sun I heard the devil, make a sound He sounded nice He sounded proud I heard the devil I heard the devil Make a sound
10.
[Prologue]: A ragged corpse, looks below For ragged eyes. to host a soul []: Holy god Take root inside of me I can love But I cannot feel thee Little lamb, why do you hide from me? Dear ones, let us pray: I died, in my mom, little lungs could not hold up I was raped by my dad I bled out, no held hand I will never live my life, my guts were put on the outside What am I but a waste of skin? Why should I be born again? What am I, but a darkened light? It keeps me up at night. What are we, but full of sin? Why should we be born again? What are we but life denied? My guts were put on the outside Waste of skin Lord, come again

about

This is album is about spiritual struggle, survivor's guilt, dehumanization, and the divine love that is mystically present everywhere.

"Atheism, true 'existential' atheism, burning with hatred of a seemingly unjust or unmerciful God, is a spiritual state; it is a real attempt to grapple with the true God.… " - St. Seraphim Rose

credits

released June 26, 2026

Written, recorded, mixed, and mastered by Blood Howl.

A huge thank you to these wonderful people: Everyone at Lovecrypt for all the feedback and support, Brad Ward for being a true friend, for mixing advice, and all kinds of other things, S.M. for her eternal partnership and all-encompassing, irreplaceable love and support, Kango.png for the incredible album art which absolutely nailed the vibe of the record, Steve Evans for being a true friend, amazing musician, and listening ear, and the Toxic Stoke Collective for allowing me to connect with a real scene and helping me with my first physical release. I find it incredibly moving that people like and listen to this music. I am beyond grateful.

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Blood Howl Birmingham, Alabama

Disgusting music for a disgusting world.

One man band.

"The riffs say tight jeans but the atmosphere says kill yourself" - Seb Painchaud, nocleansinging.com.

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