(Girl stares at a table) /(Cat walks by as Girl continues to stare at the table) /Girl: We used to have a gumball machine here Cat: You never even used it!Girl: But I relied on it /Girl: A thing I knew I could count on seeing -Cat: You never brought it up in conversation /Girl: Even if I found it hard to imagineCat: You never said you appreciated it! /Girl: ever needing to use it.Cat: I was the ONLY ONE eating those gumballs! /Girl: Sometimes things become visible only in their absenceCat: Then the gumballs HATCHED /(The lights go off) /(Cat lights a candle)Cat: Shhhhhh -ALT
This was posted 6 days ago. It has 22 notes.
Chef (waving a spoon): BARF! / Chef: Get a big bowl of barf here! / Girl: I don't really want to eat a big bowl of barf Chef: Well that's the best you're gonna do! / Cat: Do you have anything else? Chef: Not REALISTICALLY / Girl: Uh Chef: Two big bowls of barf coming right up! / (Cat and Girl look up to see a sign that says BARF STORE) / (Cat takes a bowl of barf. The sign behind the chef says "CEO of the Barf Company") / (Cat sips his barf. The barf store building says "We make sure no one sells anything but barf so everyone eats at the barf store!:) / Cat: This isn't even good barf Chef: You're supposed to say "yum"!ALT

The guy at the barf store asking for money so he can make more barf.

This was posted 1 week ago. It has 20 notes.
Cat: I am BUSY Girl: I am VERY busy / Cat: Putting one foot in front of the other Girl: Fighting the slide into fascism / Cat: Putting one foot in front of the other Girl: Our slip past climate change's point of no return / Cat: Turns out - there's always another foot Girl: A culture of cruelty and hucksterism where to dare believe in a better world - is to be considered a mark / Cat: So that takes up most of the day Girl: by being CONSTANTLY ANXIOUS / Cat: In the evening I like to sink into a depressed stupor Girl: Where do you find the TIME?ALT
This was posted 2 weeks ago. It has 12 notes.
Cat: We need the police to protect ICE / Cat: We need the National Guard to protect the police / Cat: We need the Marines to protect the National Guard / Cat: We need militias to protect the Marines - we need the sentient drone army to protect the militias / (They stroll through the usual post-apocalyptic wasteland) Cat: We are being called to mandatory service - in a ragtag all-citizen home guard - using improvised explosives and our collective faith - to protect the sentient drone army! / (They look up) / Cat: We need ICE to protect us from two guys at Home Depot Girl: Well I HOPE they brought BACKUP!ALT
This was posted 3 weeks ago. It has 91 notes.
(Drawings of vending machines) Snack machine. Claw machine. Washing machine. Coffee machine. Snack machine. (Ice dispenser disguising itself with a large camo gater and sunglasses) Ice machine.ALT

Machines.

This was posted 1 month ago. It has 22 notes.
Cat: If I had a hammer / I'd monetize the hammer / I'd monetize the hammer - all over this land / I'd rent to to the people who can't afford to buy a hammer / And if they damaged the hammer - I would charge them several times the retail value of the hammer / Then I would buy up all the hammers - and everyone would have to rent from me / Then I would sell my hammer business to private equity - who would pay themselves huge salaries to take the hammers apart / And sell the hammer heads to a smelter - and all the hammer handles to a company making children's salad servers / And then there wouldn't be ANY hammers / Which will really tank my new Smart-NailTM subscription service / (Cat considers his hammer) / Cat: Time to repossess some nails!ALT

Tools of capitalism.

This was posted 1 month ago. It has 231 notes.
Cat, entering a room tentatively: Well / Girl is reading. Cat unwraps a giant bandaid. Cat: I put that bell on history / Cat: so it can't sneak up on us again / Sound of bells: DONG ding DONG ding DONG / Girl: Fate's footsteps Cat (drawing the curtains): Ask nut for whom the bell tolls - / Cat (yelling at a nut): WELL? Who's it FOR? / They wait and hear nothing. / Cat: It's not working. Girl: PEANUTS are LEGUMESALT

For whom the bell tolls.

This was posted 1 month ago. It has 10 notes.
INTO THE SPIDER’S LAIR / Girl walks into a dark cave carrying a flashlight. Girl: The tech industry promised the self-driving cars wouldn’t all drive themselves to Car Island / Girl: Big Pharma said chill pills weren’t psychoactive / Girl: And the oil industry lied about the recyclability of Plastic Bertrand! / She rows a boat across a glowing lake. Girl: What can you believe? Where is there to go? / She pulls at a door. Girl: We’re lost- / And enters a cavernous room where a spider lives. Girl: in a web of lies. Cat: Web? LUCKY / Cat: I’m lost in the G-string of lies. / Cat: You can see EVERYTHINGALT

Into the Spider’s Lair.

This was posted 1 month ago. It has 19 notes.
Girl: A crack has appeared - between the past and the present- Cat: As the buds of spring - / Girl: and we head into an unimaginable future Cat: Become the heavy leaves of summer / Girl: Knowing that - these present times will be unimaginable to us - once there. Cat: An Arduous March / Girl: If “wine moms” are manning street barricades - it’s because the world that had a wine mom shaped space in it - no longer exists Cat: turns to Anticipation April / Girl: The new world struggles to be born Cat: and No Backsies May / Girl: and we struggle to find our new lazy marketing archetypes within Cat: and that’s the end of the calendar! / Girl: Frugal pagans - dark professional managerial class - double income no technology - famine core / Girl: Assassin stand - Assassinfluencers - Assassin grandmother - that assassin, clean assassin / Cat: Baby doomer Girl: What can one person do?ALT

The Great Wave.

This was posted 2 months ago. It has 32 notes.
https://catandgirl.com/oops-all-prisons/ALT

Oops! All Prisons

This was posted 2 months ago. It has 50 notes.