The Saddest Thing You Left Me Was Doubt
Don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded?
Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing?
’Cause all I ever wanted was to be enough for you
But I don’t think anything could ever be enough for you
Somewhere along the way, your love stopped feeling like home and started feeling like a mirror that only reflected my flaws. A part of me died while I was still rereading our old messages, trying to keep us alive in my head, not knowing you were already giving someone else the parts of you I was still begging the distance to return to me.
Maybe if I were prettier, calmer, less emotional, less difficult to love from far away, you wouldn’t have needed someone else while I was still trying so hard to hold onto us. Ever since then, I keep picking myself apart, trying to understand what she had that I didn’t.
Maybe she was easier.
Maybe she loved you in a way that didn’t feel heavy.
Maybe she was everything you secretly wished I was.
I kept wondering what was wrong with me. Was I too much? Not enough? Did I do something without realizing it? Why was I the one crying myself to sleep, questioning everything about myself, while you moved on so easily? I carved pieces of myself into something you could hold without trembling, but even then, your hands still let me fall.
I wish she would arrive like a storm. Loud enough to break your heart the way you broke mine. Cruel enough to leave you staring at your phone at 3 a.m., wondering where you suddenly became unlovable.
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I wanted her to be careless with your heart.
I wanted her to make you miss me.
I wanted there to be something about her that would make you realize I was better.
But she seems effortless to love. The kind of girl who gets chosen without having to question why.
And somehow that hurts more — because now I cannot even tell myself you made a mistake. Instead, I keep sitting alone with the unbearable thought that maybe she is simply everything you wanted me to be.
Prettier to look at.
Easier to understand.
Softer to hold onto from far away.
If she is an angel, then maybe I was simply human in a way you could not stay for.
The hardest part is that I still hear your voice sometimes — telling me I was enough — while your actions echo louder than your promises ever did.
And after everything, I think the thing I miss the most is who I was before you made me question my own worth. I miss the version of me who loved without fear, who did not look at herself like someone easy to replace.
I want her back more than I ever want us back.
Maybe one day, I’ll meet someone who chooses me gently and consistently — someone who never makes me feel like I have to compete for love or shrink myself just to be enough. Someone who sees my heart and treats it carefully instead of turning it into something wounded and uncertain.
I hope that when that day comes, the pain you left inside me will no longer feel so heavy.
I hope your betrayal becomes just another scar instead of something that still bleeds every time I’m alone.
Because, despite everything, I still want to believe that love is supposed to feel safe.
— ca’s April 20th ‘26
