Well, my daddy left home when I was three.
Didn’t leave very much to my mom and me.
Except this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now I don’t blame him ‘cause he run and hid
but the meanest thing that my daddy ever did
was before he left, he went and named me Sue.
Drink Water Rivera: Very refreshing take on nomenclature but quite bland 8/20.
Macaroni 85, Spaghetti 88, and Sincerely Yours 98 Pascual: As if someone stopped them from naming their kid after pasta because the username is already taken. 66.67/10 because they didn’t commit all the way.
Covid Bryant: Not quite Black Mamba, not quite the Black Death but still 8/10 or 24/30.
Abcde Aeiou: Very educational A+/10
Captain Philip Ines: Not quite the super soldier 19/40.
My last name is Browning, like the gun manufacturer (distant relation). I used to joke that if I ever had boy/girl twins I would name them Colt Winchester (boy) and Biretta Glock (girl). I nearly got Colt for my youngest, but there were too many kids named Colton around.
I also really wanted to name my first son Charlemagne. This was because back in high school when we studied the Holy Roman Empire all the girls in class were talking about how Charlemange was such a beautiful sounding name. I figured that he’d have to put up with some shit growing up, but it would all pay off because not only would he wind up with a name that people loved to say, but he’d also be resilient and hopefully with a solid sense of humor.
My wife vetoed this nearly as soon as the ring was on her finger.
I have firearms-oriented first and middle names, and it’s fucking awesome. Instant cred with people usually suspect of others, AFAIK never a negative issue. If I had met a young woman named Biretta Glock in high school or college, I think we would have been forced by everyone in America to get married in the spot.
Charlemagne Tha God proves you right. Though that’s also a great Tomboy girl name, with Charlene or Charley for short. See “The Long Kiss Good Night” for further validation.
I think labeling “Kitchenaid Whiskey Jones” as “borderline” is too lenient. “McKeinsleigh” I think is the borderline one. Marijuana Pepsi managed to make something of it – ironically writing her PhD thesis around it – but I would be thinking forwards and backwards about what a name I give could do to a living, breathing person their entire life (even if they get it legally changed).
I’ve always told people pick a name for your child and unless there is a realy good reason don’t name them after yourself. Then say the name out loud a few times, if you can see a respected doctor,CEO, and janitor having that name then you picked a good one. Middle names are free space and that’s where you can be “quirky”
She’d love Germany. Those names would be illegal over here.
Then again the law also explicitly states that you can name your kid any name that’s normal for your heritage. I guess that means an American would be able to name their kid Kitchenaid because it aligns with their traditions.
Hot take for Zambia and parts of Zim and Namibia. Names there are wild. Things you see, aspirations, etc. Even other African counties find it hilarious.
There was an article about I believe a Nigerian researcher who had a record number of retractions due to misinformation on his articles. His name was Hitler Louis and his partner’s name was Honest Benjamin lmao
My wife and I have received several compliments just for giving both of our daughters normal, pronounceable names. Names I don’t see very often anymore, but perfectly normal before 9/11 altered the timeline and made everyone unbearably stupid.
Just give them something normal humans dont know 8billion people. Their name will still likely be unique in their small network of people who know them.
Unless you have a super common last name, then just don’t name your kids shit like Mike and John. I have friends in that position and while it’s character building to have the same first name as someone in your class, it’s really inconvenient to have the same first and last as someone in your class.
Same with me (only a couple years less since I think my earliest account is from 2008). Was just playing Peak with some people and they said I doxxed myself with my username. Told them anyone that wants to find me is gonna have to dig cause it’s a super common first and last name. There’s even a hockey player with the name (legit got asked several times in the late 2000s/early 2010s if I was a hockey fan since I had the username).
I’m going to name my kid “Khayzeighdynleigh Braxxtynleecyndynn Jhaydenzayholleighcynn” or
“Sir™ O’Mc’De La Von Der Saint Khayzeigh-Braxx “The Wyn” II½ Zyvdaxtholleigh-Wrayffcynn®-BRAXX 2.0 Esq. Jr. Sr. PhD. OBE. Lord Née Scorpio zu Khaydencynn-Holleighbraxx III¹⁰⁰ Baron Of Zaydenshire (silent B)”
To be fair, Marijuana is an actual name, it’s not what weed was always called, and it was often used as the preferred name by the US government because they wanted to characterize it as a Mexican racial trait.
So? It’s still the parents responsibility not to name their child stupid name that will get them bullied. You don’t get to advocate responsibility for thinking just because they can depol their name in 16 years.
das-eck.haus
Track_Shovel
Well, my daddy left home when I was three. Didn’t leave very much to my mom and me. Except this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze. Now I don’t blame him ‘cause he run and hid but the meanest thing that my daddy ever did was before he left, he went and named me Sue.
Would only be fair (and American) to Sue him for it.
Its like a whole gneration hasn’t listemed to Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue” ← (best Folsom Prison performance)
My name is Sue. How do you do? NOW YOU GONNA DIE!
That’s a good point, Incubator
Incubator Jones? Of Memphis, TN?
Oh boy… These are real people.
The site links a real source for each name but the commentaries on each one read like ai generated so i was skeptical.
I’m a huge fan of your scoring system!
Just in case anyone hadn’t heard this one before: Abcde is pronounced “Absidy”, which is more of a real name.
the parent who named was trying to say it that way to trigger people, shes full of it.
Pine. Wished I could still use pine as an email client.
Ding dong Dear Strong Bad,
How do you type with boxing gloves on?
Crapfully yours,
dumples
C G N!
… U!
Kitchenaid Whiskey Jones is an awesome name
Postmaster General Ford Lincoln Mercury.
That’s a bar I haven’t heard for a long time…
God, what a great name and a great movie, thanks for bringing it to the forefront of my memory.
My last name is Browning, like the gun manufacturer (distant relation). I used to joke that if I ever had boy/girl twins I would name them Colt Winchester (boy) and Biretta Glock (girl). I nearly got Colt for my youngest, but there were too many kids named Colton around.
I also really wanted to name my first son Charlemagne. This was because back in high school when we studied the Holy Roman Empire all the girls in class were talking about how Charlemange was such a beautiful sounding name. I figured that he’d have to put up with some shit growing up, but it would all pay off because not only would he wind up with a name that people loved to say, but he’d also be resilient and hopefully with a solid sense of humor.
My wife vetoed this nearly as soon as the ring was on her finger.
Jesus christ you’re awful with names for your kids.
I hope you two didn’t choose the name that has the beautiful meaning of “lightbringer” and end up naming one of your boys “Lucifer”
Hey, don’t bring little Lucy into this! He already has enough trouble.
morningstar, apparently Samael is “venom of god” so that isnt a good one either.
Here’s an idea, one should not name kids after characters considered bad or evil. EVEN IF IT COULD BE INTERPRETED MULTIPLE WAYS.
You could sell Charlamagne as “Charles for almost anything except when he wants to show off”
These haters are idiots.
I have firearms-oriented first and middle names, and it’s fucking awesome. Instant cred with people usually suspect of others, AFAIK never a negative issue. If I had met a young woman named Biretta Glock in high school or college, I think we would have been forced by everyone in America to get married in the spot.
Charlemagne Tha God proves you right. Though that’s also a great Tomboy girl name, with Charlene or Charley for short. See “The Long Kiss Good Night” for further validation.
Long Kiss Goodnight is a criminally overlooked movie
My head canon is that it’s the pilot project for the Bourne project. It’s probably loosely based on the Bourne books from the 80s.
Criminally underrated is actuate. It’s on my top 10 movies ever. Great writing, hitting all the tropes, Samuel L. Jackson in his prime.
And Geena Davis was always cast as a sort of girl next door and to be the badass she was really showed her range.
I think labeling “Kitchenaid Whiskey Jones” as “borderline” is too lenient. “McKeinsleigh” I think is the borderline one. Marijuana Pepsi managed to make something of it – ironically writing her PhD thesis around it – but I would be thinking forwards and backwards about what a name I give could do to a living, breathing person their entire life (even if they get it legally changed).
I’ve always told people pick a name for your child and unless there is a realy good reason don’t name them after yourself. Then say the name out loud a few times, if you can see a respected doctor,CEO, and janitor having that name then you picked a good one. Middle names are free space and that’s where you can be “quirky”
All these parents should be catapulted into the sea. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
I remember reading about some girls literally called ‘undesired’ on their language :(
I mean, I’ve met girls called “Chastity” which is weird as fuck if you think about it for half a second.
It’s naming them for a supposed ‘virtue’ it may be hoped they possess.
Same deal as naming girls Grace, Charity, Faith etc. All are ‘virtue’ names.
I personally dislike it, but it’s pretty well-established.
Yeah I get the trend but naming your kids “doesn’t fuck” is just weird
She’d love Germany. Those names would be illegal over here.
Then again the law also explicitly states that you can name your kid any name that’s normal for your heritage. I guess that means an American would be able to name their kid Kitchenaid because it aligns with their traditions.
So if a Turkish family tries to name their kid Helmut that’s not allowed?
No, I think that would be allowed as well.
Major Major Major
There was a golfer at Augusta national and her first name was Asterisk.
I wonder if their other children are named comma, semi colon, or parentheses?
Maybe Obelix and Idefix?
Obelisk and Getaflix
Idk about children, but a character in La saga/fuga de J.B. (Torrente Ballester book from the early 70’s) is called Don Asterisco.
Hot take for Zambia and parts of Zim and Namibia. Names there are wild. Things you see, aspirations, etc. Even other African counties find it hilarious.
https://www.legit.ng/1097767-see-hilarious-names-zambian-namibian-parents-give-children-photos.html
I’ve personally met people named Nevers, as in short for “Never Again” having a baby. Also, Fuckson is a popular one. Even written in news.
https://www.lusakatimes.com/2025/01/05/16-stolen-animals-smuggled-from-nyimba-to-lusaka-seven-suspects-arrested/
Trevor Noah had old stand up about it.
There was an article about I believe a Nigerian researcher who had a record number of retractions due to misinformation on his articles. His name was Hitler Louis and his partner’s name was Honest Benjamin lmao
Innocent Benjamin
https://retractionwatch.com/2026/02/24/chemist-hitler-louis-nigeria-retractions-image-duplication-self-citation/
And yeah, Hitler isn’t an uncommon name in Africa. So is Elvis. They’re names everyone knows, from famous people.
Proceeds to name her son Richard
Whisky Jones is a bad ass name though. That’s either a porn star or a treasure hunter and I’m good either way
Whiskey Jones has a black belt and spent a little time as a stuntman back in the early 2ks.
He prefers beer these days.
Peruvians take this to another level. There’s a professional soccer player named Osama Vinladen, and his brother is Sadam Huseín
There’s a town mayor election where the candidate Lenin lost to…eventual winner named after THAT Austrian artist
Rise of the Leighs and Dens
My wife and I have received several compliments just for giving both of our daughters normal, pronounceable names. Names I don’t see very often anymore, but perfectly normal before 9/11 altered the timeline and made everyone unbearably stupid.
Same here. My wife and I also picked traditional timeless names that we both liked and know they will never get made fun of for them
Just give them something normal humans dont know 8billion people. Their name will still likely be unique in their small network of people who know them.
Unless you have a super common last name, then just don’t name your kids shit like Mike and John. I have friends in that position and while it’s character building to have the same first name as someone in your class, it’s really inconvenient to have the same first and last as someone in your class.
I mean, I’m Tanis, it’s rare but I like it.
Rawdogging the internet with your real name is bold.
First and last. I’ve just never bothered to come up with a real username in twenty years.
If you show up at my doorstep I’ll make you tea and we can play a board game.
Well, looks like we’re both in the same city. I’ve met a Tanis here before. Wonder if it’s you
Prolly. Hey.
Same with me (only a couple years less since I think my earliest account is from 2008). Was just playing Peak with some people and they said I doxxed myself with my username. Told them anyone that wants to find me is gonna have to dig cause it’s a super common first and last name. There’s even a hockey player with the name (legit got asked several times in the late 2000s/early 2010s if I was a hockey fan since I had the username).
And I’m the only Tanis Nikana in the world.
Bravery? No. Laziness. And consistency.
Is that an invite?
I’m mostly operating under the assumption that people are too busy with their own lives to go stalk a married middle-aged lady.
I use to think so! Turns out sometimes it’s not true!
Meh, it’s not that bad. I don’t have my last name but it’s trivial to determine it, there are like 6 Zedds in the US.
You are named after an Egyptian/Greek city?
Nah, just an Irish first name.
Does that come from the word tanist then? As in named successor?
You got it! Plus it was really easy to render into kana.
Utah moms need to remember. One day, Brightlynn, Ayngylle, and Keighleigh will be 90 year old patients, playing gin rummy in a nursing home.
crystal methany, crystal methvin are names of 2 people who got in trouble for METH.
Parents use these names because it’s the pique of their cleverness.
There is a clear socioeconomic divide between those who do and do not do this and it is exactly what one expects to to be.
X Æ A-XII enters the chat.
siadareal musk, TECHNO MECHNIUS, slider are just the notable ones.
Honestly this is bullshit. Some of the most ridiculous names I know are from old money families here in the South.
Wealthy southerners aren’t immune to trashy behavior. They’re just oblivious to the trashiness.
And some wealthy Utah mormons
New money types definitely do this too.
They’re forcing their lack of ingenuity onto another generation and ensuring their garbage legacy.
I’m going to name my kid “Khayzeighdynleigh Braxxtynleecyndynn Jhaydenzayholleighcynn” or
“Sir™ O’Mc’De La Von Der Saint Khayzeigh-Braxx “The Wyn” II½ Zyvdaxtholleigh-Wrayffcynn®-BRAXX 2.0 Esq. Jr. Sr. PhD. OBE. Lord Née Scorpio zu Khaydencynn-Holleighbraxx III¹⁰⁰ Baron Of Zaydenshire (silent B)”
You know what, the name should have everything:
His Most Sovereign Imperial Celestial Omnipotent Sir™ The 1st Foremost Supreme Eternal O’Mc’De La Von Der Du Al-El-Saint-Arch-Khayzeigh-Braxxxtyn-Wrayffholleigh-Zyvdaxtholleigh “The Wyn” “Little Braxx” “Daddy’s Champion” “Mummy’s Miracle” “The Prophecised One” “He Who Was Foretold In The Zaydenshire Scrolls” “Destroyer Of Passport Printers” “Boo Bear” “KHAYZY” “That Kid From The Viral Video” “Why” aka @KhayzeighOfficialReal @KhayzeighOfficial2 @TheRealKhayzeigh @KhayzeighUnverified @KhayzeighFanAccount @KhayzeighHaterAccount @KhayzeighIsOverParty #NotTheOtherKhayzeigh #Zyvdaxtholleigh-Wrayffcynn® #JusticeForBraxx #KhayzeighIsInnocent #FreeBraxx #KhayzeighDidNothingWrong #Braxx4President #NeverForgetBraxxxtyn fka BRAXX 2.0 fka Braxxton fka “That Baby” fka “The Incident” fka “Unnamed Child Hospital Form 7B” fka “Please God No” fka “The thing that happened in Zaydenshire” fka “Exhibit A” fka [REDACTED BY KHAYZCORP LEGAL] Esq. Jr. Sr. PhD. MD. DDS. MBA. JD. LLM. CPA. CFA. CISSP. CCNA. PMP. PRINCE2. OBE. MBE. CBE. KBE. DBE. GBE. VC. MM. DSO. GM. Lord High Duke Arch-Duke Grand-Duke Supreme-Duke Duke-Emeritus Duke-Plenipotentiary Lord-Protector Regent-In-Waiting Née Scorpio 🌟♏🔥💯👑🧬🌍⚡🎯🏆🦁🔱⚜️🪬🧿🎰💎🌈🚀☢️⚛️🛸 zu Khaydencynn-Holleighbraxxxtyn-MCBRAXXXTYN-Wrayffzyvdael-Thornleighcynn-Hollbraxxtyndaelleigh-Everleighzaymcbrynn-Khaydenthorleighcynn III¹⁰⁰·⁵ˢᵘᵖʳᵉᵐᵉ∞ Baron AND Earl AND Viscount AND Marquess AND Count AND Archduke AND Elector AND Palatine AND Landgrave AND Burgrave Of Greater Upper Lower Eastern Western Northern Southern Central Outer Zaydenshire & Sons & Daughters & Associates & Estranged Cousins & That One Uncle & The Dog & Unborn Future Generations LLC. GmbH. SRL. PLC. PTY. KK. AG. NV. SA. SP. ZO.O. AS. AB. OY. Est.1247 Re-Est.1842 Re-Re-Est.2019 Briefly Discontinued 2020 Relaunched 2021 With New Formula Discontinued Again 2022 Re-Relaunched 2023 Now With 50% More Braxx Born 51.5074°N 0.1278°W Alt:42m Sea Level:Confirmed Humidity:64% Pressure:1013hPa MoonPhase:Waxing Gibbous SolarFlare:Active StarSign:Scorpio ChineseZodiac:Dragon MayanCalendar:13-Ahau NumerologyScore:11 IP:192.168.1.1 IPv6:2001:BRAXX IPv4Legacy:CONFIRMED MAC:XX:XX:XX:XX DeviceID:BRAXX-DEVICE-00420 BloodType:A+ RhFactor:+ DNA:ATCGBRAXX Chromosome:XY-BRAXX MicrobiomeID:BRAXXGUT420 NFT#00420 TokenID:0xBRAXX420 CryptoWallet:BRAXXCHAIN DeFiID:BRAXX.eth MetaverseAvatar:KhayzeighPrime ENS:braxx.eth QR:Kwyarrkodde Barcode:BRAXX420 NFC:ENABLED RFID:BRAXX-TAG-00 ISBN:BRAXX-00 ISSN:BRAXX-01 DOI:10.BRAXX/HOLLEIGH IBAN:BR4XX00 Swift:BRAXXWYN SORT:69-42-00 RoutingNo:BRAXX420 TaxID:BRAXX-TAX-∞ VATNo:BR4XX999 CreditScore:BRAXX/BRAXX Carbon Neutral Certified✓ Carbon Negative Certified✓ Carbon Never Existed Here✓ Carbon Apologised✓ ISO9001✓ ISO14001✓ ISO27001✓ ISO45001✓ ISO50001✓ Kosher✓ Halal✓ Gluten Free✓ Vegan✓ Raw Vegan✓ Breatharian✓ Fair Trade✓ Conflict Free✓ Organic✓ Non-GMO✓ Dolphin Safe✓ Rainforest Alliance✓ B-Corp✓ 1% For The Planet✓ Leaping Bunny✓ EU Ecolabel✓ Energy Star✓ LEED Platinum✓ Powered By Zaydenleigh™ A Division Of Khayzcorp® A Subsidiary Of BRAXXXTYN Holdings International A Portfolio Company Of Zyvdael Capital Partners In Partnership With Mc’Hollleigh Industries Co-Developed With Wrayffzyn Labs Incubated At Zaydenshire Innovation Hub Accelerated By Y-Braxxinator Backed By Sequoia Braxx & Andreessen Holleigh Sponsored By Monster Energy© Red Bull® Celsius™ Endorsed By Zaydenshire Tourism Board Official Name Of The 2024 2028 2032 Zaydenshire Games Named After Nobody In Particular Inspired By A Dream Had At 3am In A Tesco Car Park In Holleighton (silent B)(silent W)(silent Kh)(silent Gh)(silent Cynn)(silent Everything After The 3rd Syllable)(silent First Syllable Too)(all vowels optional)(all consonants negotiable)(punctuation is vibes)(the X is pronounced Wy)(the Wy is pronounced Braxx)(the 1 is silent)(the silence is also silent)(the brackets are silent)(this declaration is also silent)(the silence of the silence is deafening)(if you can read this you are already in violation of NDA#BRAXX-2024)(by reading this you have agreed to name your firstborn Braxxxtyn)(you cannot unread this)(this is legally binding in Zaydenshire) T&Cs Apply Full T&Cs Available At www.khayzeigh.braxx.wyn/legal/terms/v100/final/FINAL/actuallyfinal/useThis1/terms.pdf Not A Robot I Have Read And Understood The Privacy Policy By Existing You Accept All Cookies This Name Is GDPR Compliant CCPA Compliant PIPEDA Compliant Compliant With Laws That Don’t Exist Yet Optimized For SEO Google PageRank:10 DA:100 PA:100 TF:100 CF:100 Keywords: Baby Names 2024 Unique Baby Names Rare Names Top Baby Names Zaydenshire What To Name Your Baby If You Hate Them This Name Is Patent Pending In 47 Countries 193 UN Member States 12 Offshore Jurisdictions 3 Unrecognised Territories The Moon And All Celestial Bodies Within 50 Light Years Do Not Reproduce Without Written Consent Of Khayzcorp® All Rights Reserved Worldwide Including Parallel Universes Alternate Timelines The Metaverse And Any Universe Where Braxx Is A Common Name ℅ Zaydenshire House Tower 1 Floor 100 Suite BRAXX 1 Braxxxtyn Road Holleighton Greater Zaydenshire ZY4 9XX United Kingdom of Zaydenshire Earth Sol System Milky Way Local Group Observable Universe Est.1247 Postcode:ZY4 9XX What3Words:braxx.wyn.holleigh PlusCode:BRAXX+WYN GoogleMapsPin: 🔴 E&OE Subject To Availability While Stocks Last Batteries Not Included Some Assembly Required Objects In Name May Be Larger Than They Appear Do Not Taunt Name Name Not Suitable For Children Under 3 Or Over 3 Contains Nuts
Who is Major Major?
Tell that to Marijuana Pepsi Jackson.
To be fair, Marijuana is an actual name, it’s not what weed was always called, and it was often used as the preferred name by the US government because they wanted to characterize it as a Mexican racial trait.
if they were a midwestern parent, they think it would be clever by disgusing it as mary-jana.
People can change their names.
When they’re older, doesn’t erase years of bullshit suffered from being the proverbial boy named Sue.
You know people can change their name right?
So? It’s still the parents responsibility not to name their child stupid name that will get them bullied. You don’t get to advocate responsibility for thinking just because they can depol their name in 16 years.
Not easy, not in all cases and not in all countries
At great cost, hassle, and potentiol loss of rights down the road.
Cool, cool, shaming is always good… But seriously, what can a person do? It’s not like there’s a naming authority.
Not sure if I’m getting whooshed but some places absolutely do have this
some nations do, Iceland springs to mind for example and I am sure there are others