Purpose!
Purpose!
These days, too many people are afraid to speak their truth.
For whatever reason, I never had this problem, as proven when, at age 8, I let my grandmother know that she was not going to get closer to me by telling me what a horrible mother my mother, her only daughter, was.
My mother had a lot of emotional problems due to her mother’s emotional issues, though a bit more difficult to figure out, at least for me. I knew only that I disliked my grandmother, and I was happy to spend as little time as possible with her.
That was until the day I realized that she had the same splitting behavior my mother showed, constantly causing anger and strife, favoring one person over the other, hurting the one she did not like, often between all her grandchildren. Unbelievably, I only realized this while I was in my 40s, a few decades after she died.
These days, I am fearless about telling the truth, where you, the people of the world, have a right to know what has been proven to be manipulation by those who can scare you into doing as they want, without real facts to back them up. Sadly, they don’t care about facts; they care about their agenda. They use narratives to strip you of authority to gain your obedience.
The medical system is full of this garbage, as anyone who has a psychiatric diagnosis, given to them by a person with a license to legally do such things, knows. Often, these same people will not listen to their patients’ concerns.
I have no problem calling out the horrid disservice that these so-called licensed professionals are doing to those they outwardly say they have so much care for.
Sadly, I have been in this situation several times over the decades. I have also helped guide too many of my clients through this abhorrent behavior of their healthcare providers, both mental health providers and M.D.s, and the horrid experiences they have experienced as a result.
But it isn’t only those with DSM diagnoses who have been treated as crap by some of the licensed medical providers. It is also people of lower economic status, those with tattoos and multiple piercings, and those of color. I have helped these clients overcome the trauma they experienced when a delay in treatment caused worse problems. Or when they were told that their problem was not a real problem. A problem made worse by the incompetence of those who were supposed to know better.
I bring these situations up constantly in my academic courses because the required texts and articles are so out of date, sometimes over 20 years old.
Many of my classmates have never had experience with people who differ from them, having never left their country. They often grew up in one area, never leaving, causing a lack of knowledge of other cultures, and never learning that many in developing countries have similar products and services as those in developed countries, especially in cities.
I grew up in a very nice suburb in Westchester, NY. We had an acre of grass to play in and a safe neighborhood to ride our bikes. We could walk downtown if we chose to, certainly to Friendly’s and my dad’s dental office. There were eight stores down the hill from his office building. There was a fantastic family-owned casual southern-style Italian restaurant we often frequented for their great lasagna with the meat on the bottom and the cheese on the upper layer, keeping it as fluffy as could be. And the salad dressing made a salad mandatory each visit. Another store was an Italian deli, which smelled amazing upon walking through the door, and a fish store that sold fresh fish. There was a beauty shop as well. I cannot recall the other stores, but Friendly’s was across the street.
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My dad would take us there on some Sunday mornings for breakfast and on weekend nights for dinner, shooting little spit balls at us made from the wrappers of the straws, through the straws as we waited for the food to be delivered to the table. It was funny to me at the time. Just a playful way to pass the time. Mom and I would share banana splits at Friendly’s as we waited for my youngest sister’s flute lesson to end. My mom would have the waitresses put a different topping on each of the three different-flavored scoops of ice cream. We had some great talks during this special time together.
I tell you this because I have many clients who never had this type of childhood, their parents long divorced, their family broken up, their mother working a couple of jobs because of their deadbeat father’s moving on to take care of his second family created with the woman with whom he had cheated on his wife.
Some clients, despite loving families, entered abusive relationships because they never felt appreciated for who they were as people, irrespective of the material comforts their families provided.
And, then there are those of color who are too often treated like second-class citizens in their own country. This is a reality whether Americans want to accept it. Too many of my Hispanic and African-American clients have experienced terrible things at the hands of white folks in power over them. This does not mean that they have not risen above these situations to become successful, because my clients have, despite the crap they had to put up with to achieve what they wanted in life. Hopefully, you find the success of these people an inspiration. They never gave up on accomplishing what they desired.
My mother saw in me an intelligence that she nurtured from the time she witnessed my interactions with kids who were doing much better in school than I was. She told me when I was 10 that if I were as unintelligent as the achievement test stated, these kids would not be my friends, finding me boring to be with.
I had multiple learning disabilities, but I had the desire to do what I needed to do to get through school. I was blessed with a mother who bought me books I could relate to of kids overcoming learning disabilities and other challenges, along with great fantasy books like The Hobbit and The Arabian Nights. These books ignited a love for reading. I attended a wonderful public school with caring teachers and classes of 20 to 25 kids, along with resource rooms for those who needed extra help. I learned to love the process of learning.
All these years later, it is because of my mother, though not always easy to live with, going from laughing one second to yelling at the top of her lungs and throwing things if she had something nearby or in her hand, who gave me the love and advocacy necessary to help me achieve what I have, much of it after she died in 2017.
So, one could understand why I would never allow my grandmother to demean my mother, when she had four other grandchildren who would have been more willing to listen to her, given the fact that they did not have the special bond that I had with my mother due to my special needs.
I did thank my grandmother for one thing. Her ‘eternally youthful genes,” as I put it to her. She had youthful skin, which I inherited, allowing me to look 10 years younger than I am for many years. However, I had no desire to be a superficial person, and certainly have no patience with such people.
I have always spoken my truth, and that has brought many people to be inspired by me. I know because they tell me this all the time. This is because too many are fearful of speaking their truth. My response to that is, “What have you got to lose?” A few people who were not your real friends. Instructors who are ignorant of your knowledge because they never studied what you have. They are without the practical experience, arguing the results of bogus studies, which your practice has proven untrue.
When you discuss the subject at hand, arguing from your lived experience is one of the best uses of time, as this is how we learn from one another.
Trust me, I have pushed back against many ignorant statements of my professors. With 32 years in delivering mental health care, 6 years delivering elder care, including one who had a stroke in the bathtub as I was giving her a shower. Another hit her head against the rock wall in her driveway after kidney dialysis. Another client had a heart attack as we were going down the stairs outside her home to take her to a doctor’s appointment; she never made it that day. Refusing to care for a fearful Alzheimer’s patient who ran out onto the main street and fought her caregivers. So happened, she bit one of my co-workers the day after I told my boss to come take care of her because I was unwilling to be responsible for her care, and at risk because of the lack of anti-anxiety medications; her children did not want her to take them.
I know how the subconscious mind processes information. I know how to access it, with 25 years of experience providing mental health services to the very clients that the conventional healthcare providers have failed miserably. In some cases, for decades. I share these case histories with my professors and classmates to give them a better understanding of what they are not receiving from their studies. They appreciate it because it is hard to argue with 3+ decades of practical experience.
So, state your truth, especially when you know that your truth could help many others. Do it with conviction, backed up with relevant proof, and you know what you are talking about. Because this is the best way for you to gain the respect of others — those whom you want to reach. As the late, great Mister Barlow (my high school algebra teacher) would say, “Who cares about the rest?”
