The Shoe Event Horizon: Excerpts from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Phase 2 Fit 11

Timestamp 13:16-14:55

Transcript (From the original radio scripts) LINTILLA: and then suddenly above this level - what?
ARTHUR:: Er, more rock?
LINTILLA: But what's special about it?
ARTHUR: Er, well it's all smooth - no layers.
LINTILLA: Yes no further building and no one actually living on the planet, or at least on its surface. So this previous layer is the significant one. And do you know what it consists of?
ARTHUR: Rock?

LINTILLA: No.
ARTHUR: Er, stone?
LINTILLA: (Patiently) No.
ARTHUR: Some different sort of rock the name of which temporarily escapes me.
LINTILLA: No, feel it. Scratch it.
ARTHUR: Oh yes, it's slightly sort of soft and crumbly.
LINTILLA: What's it like?
ARTHUR: Ah, I know, it's ...
LINTILLA: Yes?
ARTHUR: What's the name of that soft crumbly sort of rock?
LINTILLA: It isn't rock!
ARTHUR: Well what is it then?
LINTILLA: Shoes.
ARTHUR: What?
LINTILLA: Shoes, billions of them. An entire archaeological layer of compressed shoes.
ARTHUR: Shoes? How can you tell?

LINTILLA: We knew all along. We just needed confirmation.
ARTHUR: Why shoes?
LASER SHOT
HIG HURTENFLURST: Because, fella, shoes are the economic future of this galaxy.
ARTHUR: Huh?
HIG HURTENFLURST: Stand up. Both of you.
ARTHUR: Who are you?
HIG HURTENFLURST: I only happen to be Hig Hurtenflurst, I only happen to be the risingest young executive in the Dolmansaxlil Shoe Corporation, I only happen to have masterminded the entire rationalization of this planet to total shoe orientation, I only happen to be sitting on top of the biggest development deal in the entire history of footwear, and I only happen to be very deeply disturbed at finding my planet riddled with subversives bent on undermining the whole structure of the Dolmansaxlil operation and thus the very economic future of the Galaxy itself, and I only happen to think that I would be very well advised to have both of you weirdos and the other two chicks revoked on the spot, does that answer your question?
ARTHUR: I can't remember what I asked you now.

Timestamp 21:55-25:07

Transcript (From the original radio scripts) NARRATOR: The shoe event Horizon is now a firmly established and rather sad economic phenomenon, which in future times will be taught as part of the basic Middle School Life the Universe and Everything syllabus. Here is a typical computer class from the Brantisvogan Megalycee, Unidate 911VCK168.
COMPUTEACH: Good morning Life form.
PUPIL: Hi, teach.
COMPUTE ACH Are you sitting comfortably?
PUPIL: Yes.
COMPUTEACH Then stand up. Harsh Economic Truths class 17. You are standing up?
PUPIL: Yes.
COMPUTEACH: Good. Posit: You are living in an exciting go ahead civilization. Where areyou looking?
PUPIL: Up COMPUTEACH: What do you see?
PUPIL: The open sky, the stars, an infinite horizon.
COMPUTEACH: Correct. You may press the button.
PUPIL: (Enthusiastically) Thank you! F/X A NICE THRILLING PING PUPIL: Oo, that feels nice.
COMPUTEACH: Posit: You are living in a stagnant declining civilization. Where are you looking?
PUPIL: Down.
COMPUTEACH: What do you see?
PUPIL: My shoes.
COMPUTEACH: Correct. What do you do to cheer yourself up?
PUPIL: Er, press the button?
COMPUTEACH: Incorrect. Think again. Your world is a depressing place, you are looking at your shoes, how do you cheer yourself up?
PUPIL: I buy a new pair! COMPUTEACH: Correct.
PUPIL: Can I press the button?
COMPUTEACH: All right.
F/X THRILLING LITTLE PING AS BEFORE.
PUPIL: Oh that's so nice.
COMPUTEACH: Now, imagine everyone does the same thing, what happens?
PUPIL: Everyone feels nice?
COMPUTEACH: Forget the button! Concentrate! Everyone buys new shoes, what happens?
PUPIL: More shoes! COMPUTEACH: And?
PUPIL: More shoe shops! COMPUTEACH: Correct.
PUPIL: Can I...
COMPUTEACH: No! PUPIL: Oh.
COMPUTEACH: And in order to support all these extra shoe shops, what must happen?
PUPIL: Everyone must keep buying shoes.
COMPUTEACH: And how is that arranged?
PUPIL: (Getting bored, reciting things parrot fashion) Manufacturers dictate more and more different fashions and make shoes so badly that they either hurt the feet or fall apart.
COMPUTEACH: So that...?
PUPIL: Everyone has to buy more shoes.
COMPUTEACH: Until?
PUPIL: Until everyone gets fed up with lousy rotten shoes. (SUBTEXT: 'I'm getting fed up with this lousy rotten lesson.') COMPUTEACH: And then what?
PUPIL: Why can't I press the button?
COMPUTEACH: (Sternly) And then what? Come on.
PUPIL: Massive capital investment by the manufacturers to try and make people buy the shoes.
COMPUTEACH: Which means?
PUPIL: More shoe shops.
COMPUTEACH: And then we reach what point?
PUPIL: The point where I press the button again.
COMPUTEACH: (Reluctantly) All right.
F/X THRILLING ZING AS BEFORE PUPIL: Ooh! Oo! Oo! That's so nice, that's really nice! COMPUTEACH: And then we reach what point?
PUPIL: (Quite happy and enthusiastic again now) The shoe event horizon. The whole economy overbalances. Shoe shops outnumber every other kind of shop, it becomes economically impossible to build anything other than shoe shops, and bing, I get to press the button again.
F/X THRILLING ZING AGAIN PUPIL: Weeehoo! COMPUTEACH: Wait for permission! Now, what's the final stage?
PUPIL: Er. Every shop in the world ends up a shoe shop.
COMPUTEACH: Full of?
PUPIL: Shoes no one can wear.
COMPUTEACH: Result?
PUPIL: Famine, collapse and ruin. Any survivors eventually evolve into birds and never put their feet on the ground again.
COMPUTEACH: Excellent. End of lesson. You may press the button.
F/X SEVERAL ZINGS PUPIL: Weee! Heeehooo! Gigigigihooo! Ooo, that's nice! Thank you teach,goodbye.
COMPUTEACH: Aren't you forgetting something?
PUPIL: What?
COMPUTEACH: Press the other button.
PUPIL: Oh, right.
F/X A SIMILAR ZING, BUT OBVIOUSLY A DIFFERENT ONE, PROBABLY A BIT DEEPER THAN THE OTHER ONE.
COMPUTEACH: Ooooohhhhhh!!! That's so nice.