:)
Peace and quiet has left my brain these past few weeks, it’s all filled with the overwhelming wave of overthinking and guilt, and it can’t leave no matter what I do — unlike the peace and quiet that could disappear faster than the speed of light.
Suicide hasn’t been able to leave this mind of mine neither. Everyday I thought to myself, “what if I finally do it tonight?” I’ve prepared the letters, I’ve already found a way how to, but having the guts to do so will always leave me in shambles.
Dp reminds me how I should keep on living. How I’m still 16 with a bright future ahead, with family and friends who will miss me dearly, and he felt as if the world would stop spinning. I am his world. He’s the sun to my life.
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He could orbit around me 3 times as what Ganesha did to his parents if he knew the story. He could bring me back to life whenever my surface went dark, and he’s the reason why all of the humans in me are still surviving.
I love him too much to ever leave him, but if anyone else makes me feel sad or pissed, I can’t help but wonder what life would feel without my presence lingering around their touch and annoying their hearts out with every single breath I take.
I wish I could feel better, I wish I could BE better. Not only for him, but for myself, too. I want to skip the fences myself, but the obstacles live with me and I see it every single day. I love them but oh how I wish they were more emotionally available.
I love them, I just wish they could atleast like me.
