Goodbye, Babe
You loved blueberries and sitting with your head on my foot.
You followed my every move. Your cold nose booping my calves was comfort and love.
You were my companion curled up, sleeping and snoring while I worked.
You adventured with me to dog parks, up mountains, into rivers!
You overcame your trepidations with me: meeting others that were bigger, more rambunctious, more aggressive than we were. With each of us trusting the other we knew we would get safely out of those situations and back home. Together we made each situation a little better, more fun, and successful.
You got so brave you dove into very cold, very deep water and though I got you out you still scolded me loudly for laughing as you zoomed off leash around the park!
You scolded me often . . . anytime I met up with someone you didn’t know and had too long a conversation. Anytime we ran into someone we both knew and had too long a conversation.
You allowed me space. I could leave for extended periods of time and you believed whoever cared for you was going to do a good job because I trusted them.
You warned me. Anytime you knew an intruder was coming you warned us and were ready to defend. You recognized doorbells, apartment buzzers, ringtones and even dryer buzzers (that sounded like apartment buzzers) just to defend your home.
You understood my anxiety. I’m so sorry you had to take care of me. I know you felt what I was feeling. You absorbed me. I’m sorry you were so empathetic to truly understand when I wasn’t right.
Your beautiful, loving, gorgeous eyes and your sweet head when I was feeling my worst, feeling so awful and ugly. Things were always a little better, knowing I was loved by you and needed to exist for you.
I loved feeding you the best food I could daily.
I loved taking you for walks daily (even if the weather was gross we still made it outside).
I loved seeing you run everywhere you could. Circles around me in the park.
I loved picking up your shits cause it meant you were healthy and everything was working as it should’ve been.
I loved sitting with you staring over the rivervalley as you panted and offering you water on a hot day.
I loved scaling those awful rivervalley stairs with you. You crushed me but allowed my breaks when I needed them, no judgements.
I loved you waking me up daily for food by snuffling your nose into my side or giving me nips or barks. What an alarm clock.
I loved our morning pees together. We saw a side of the world at 5am not many get to see.
I loved coming home to you. To see your energy and expectations fulfilled me!
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I loved your fierce love for your family! You had unique and in depth relationships with those you were close with. You loved each person individually.
I loved your breathing. I used it to calm my panicked breaths.
I loved bugging you! You were predictable and funny in your responses. I’m sorry if I pestered too much.
I’m grateful I got to give you your incontinence medication.
I’m grateful I got to boil chicken and portion it out for your upset tummy.
I’m grateful I had pumpkin at the ready for any tummy problems.
I’m grateful the grain free food worked (twining I couldn’t eat gluten)!
I’m grateful for every vet appointment I got to take you to.
I’m grateful for every bath and nail trim you let me give because I couldn’t trust the groomers to be careful with your legs anymore.
I’m grateful I got to take you for every monthly injection. You felt better after each one!
I’m grateful I was able to give you your inhaler and it gave you relief!
I’m sorry I made you seem like a burden sometimes.
I’m sorry if I made it seem like your medications were too much sometimes.
I’m sorry if while grooming you I seemed stressed and hurt you sometimes.
I’m sorry your body slowly failed you and walking down the sidewalk was painful for you.
I’m sorry your nails cracked on the sidewalks so you had to wear booties every time we went outside.
I’m sorry I couldn’t make the pain go away with CBD, fish oil or anti-inflammatories.
I’m sorry I couldn’t make the blood results better.
I’m sorry I couldn’t make what the vet told me better.
I’m so very sorry for that day.
I remember looking into your eyes before they offered the poison. Before I had signed before I had paid. I looked at you . . .we could’ve ran. To what purpose though? I couldn’t save or cure you.
Goodbye my Lily. I love you, am grateful for you and grieve you daily.
