When I was 16, I got in an argument with my stepfather. I had just come out to him, and then I came out to another family member. When he heard about When I was 16, I got in an argument with my stepfather. I had just come out to him, and then I came out to another family member. When he heard about this, he became enraged. He sat me down and told me I had to stop airing my dirty laundry to people.
I explained to him that coming out wasn't about airing my dirty laundry. I was trying to tell people something important about who I was. He wasn't having that excuse, and he insisted that I stop.
When I said I wouldn't, he said a sentence that I would never forget:
"Who's going to take care of you when you get AIDS?"
It was 1987. I suppose it was a reasonable question, if a rather terrible one to ask a teenager.
I was young, gay, and living in New York City. Everywhere I looked, gay men were dying. AIDS was becoming an epidemic, and the disease was a death sentence with no cure. I did, in fact, think it was likely that I would die of AIDS, and I was petrified. On top of all that, nobody was talking about it. I'd go to school and AIDS wasn't ever mentioned. It was ignored in the mainstream news. I don't know how to explain this to people who weren't born yet, who might struggle to imagine how that could be. But this was before the internet, before social media. Before 24-hour news media.
With DESTINATION UNKNOWN, I had to delve into some very difficult feelings and memories. This is a book that I think I wasn't really ready to write until now. Until I felt secure and complete enough to handle going deep into my own story, to find the story of two boys who meet in 1987 New York City.
Micah is 17 and closeted and scared. CJ is 18 and out and proud.
I was neither of these boys, and I was both of these boys. Like both of them, I so wanted to meet someone who would understand, who would help me understand. I wanted someone who would help me feel less alone.
I don't want to give too much away, but I'll say this: as much as this is a book that will give you feelings, it will also make you laugh. I think I do that because it's how I dealt with growing up at a time when it wasn't clear to me if I had a future, or what that future would be. You know. Destination Unknown.
It is 35 years later now. My stepfather has died. Cancer. He and I made up before he passed, and I do think that he would love this book, even if it would hit him in some difficult places. He became a softer and more understanding man before he passed away. And I have become softer, too. More able to understand, perhaps, that people do the best they can.
I did the best I could, too, with what I knew at the time. And I'm grateful I made it through. And I'm so glad I was able to write this book. I hope reading it will be meaningful to you! ...more
THE BRIDGE took me two years to write, and they were hard years! I truly believe I was at the edge of my ability the whole time, doing Oh, this book.
THE BRIDGE took me two years to write, and they were hard years! I truly believe I was at the edge of my ability the whole time, doing things that were quite possibly beyond me.
And I loved the process! Except when I hated the process. :-)
My hope was to write a book about suicide and depression that was so real you could feel it in your bones, but that also felt hopeful, that left the reader with a sense that there was hope, because to me that's everything..I wanted to do that by telling the same story four ways. So that readers could see the impact of the choices these two teens make on top of the bridge. So often when I've been depressed, I've had the thought that no one would care if I were dead or alive.
That's a lie. Depression makes our brains lie to us. I wanted to reveal that lie in all its power and complexity, and show what can happen when we decide to stay another day.
In the end, I cannot say whether I succeeded or failed. That's up to readers. But please know that I put my whole heart in this book. I hope that one person with suicidal ideation or severe depression will read this book and decide to stay....more
What can I say to the good folks of Goodreads about this, my fifth novel?
This is a book I am very proud of and excited about. I can't wait for it to cWhat can I say to the good folks of Goodreads about this, my fifth novel?
This is a book I am very proud of and excited about. I can't wait for it to come out so y'all can read the story of Max and Jordan. If you were a reader who loved the Rafe/Ben relationship, I think you'll love this one, too.
Coming 02/26/2019! (EDIT: it was originally 1/29, but there's this paper shortage going on in the publishing industry so they pushed the date back to make sure there would be no hitch with the launch. Sorry for the delay!)...more
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