I AM BODY HORROR

by Fed Ash + HIRS

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1.
Super glued together scars. Healed pink chunks is all we are. A huge vat of toxic waste. A vehicle for gutting. Emil is melting. 6000 S.U.X. Rotten. Exploding. Just tempted fate. Just a bag of liquified meat. I am body horror. Hair and bile and teeth. I’m body horror. Guts full of shit and disease. I am body horror. Cursed with a body. Body horror. Cursed with this knowledge. Body horror. I can feel the space I take. I am horror. I want to evaporate. Super glued together scars. Healed pink chunks is all we are. A huge vat of toxic waste. A vehicle for gutting.
2.

It started to die when I was born. It has been dead since I was formed. Shrinking, growing, prowling violet. Shrinking, growing, prowling violence. Shrinking, growing, prowling, lifeless. Shrinking, growing, prowling, listless. Collecting pains. Collecting stains. The highest bidder is often bitter. Afraid of getting what I want. Fatigued femmes fraying hems. Violet. Violence. Lifeless. Fighting entropy, fighting decay, intolerable suffering, fighting myself. Sweating in bed thinking of old friends.
3.
SALTED SOIL 01:26

Ripping out roots, pissing in soil, shaking the tree, shitting on and starving. Stripping the bark, dousing with tar. Napalm and lacerations. Stripping for parts, make sure they hit the mark. Paving over the good things and sealing the past. Stripping the bark, dousing with tar. Napalm and lacerations. No room to heal. No room to heal. No room to heal. No room to heal. Ripped out roots.
4.

Factory defect infection. Omni-transplant rejection. I want a refund on this investment. Asshole inspector; first on the scene, taking notes. Glitched chalk line. Trolled by the fucking cosmos. A long-running gag and no one is laughing. Enjoy it now. Stop if you can. A grotesque joke. No matter what I do it hurts. Our bodies / our hells.
5.
Wriggling up from the bottom of the ocean. Flailing on land. Screaming and growing. Heaving bulk. Ponderous moaning. I’m just a worm. A pale thing writhing. Bloated disorientation. Too many lights. Too much information. I’m just a baby left on my own. Emotional polyp overgrown. Big in my bones. Bad under pressure. Immensely alone. Bleeding the gills. Give me some space. I need some more time to settle into this skin. Hard to love and tougher to look at. I’m worthless, I’m rotten, I’m ruined. I’m legion—atomic creatures running in different directions. Unfortunate gorgon. Hunchbacked orphan. Portrait distortion. A catalogued portion. Little white slips of cramped finger torsion. Give it a name and a short description. Where do I put my hands? What can I look at? Feeling numb. Balancing all of the weight on a knife point. My skin exists as an exit bag; suffocating my existence, gagging and smothering, pulsating past resistance. Inflating less each time, these crackles and wrinkles fill more and more of this hole and the stars begin to flicker. The narrowing view, terrifying at first, becomes warm and pixelated mosaic art. Beautiful and made at my worst. The hope for display, a final moment, means nothing here and she’s finally calm. I felt pretty good about how well it captured how bad I feel.
6.
You’re just another cop policing gender lines. Wielding the word “aggression.” A box to put me in. You own a lot of wind to not have the lung capacity to take a fucking breath.
7.
MEAT BRICK 01:14

Bring back the brick. Bring back the fucking spit, roasted, dripping, and finally worth something. Bring back the brick. Fishing around in a puddle of piss. See what offense I can come up with. Already full from a communal sit but now chomping at the bit. Just a sack of meat.
8.
This perversion of scripture; so radical, so soft, so aggressive. Heart-shaped hail falls. Everything looks like a nail when you’re a hammer. Everything looks like a pillow when you’re tired. Everything looks like you when I’m awake. Everything was a lesson. All good mistakes. Cut out my tongue, put in a bag, shoved in my gut. Cut out my tongue, put in a bag, shoved in my gut. Please stitch me up. Landed in hell. Sprouted a garden. Crying at just the thought—too sweet for all of this carnage. Beautiful, empathetic, mutually satisfying abduction. It’s all too much, but somehow you’re keeping it up. Keeping it up.
9.
GOD DEFIED 01:34
I’m trying to remember the last time I felt safe. I’m trying to remember the last time I was okay. What isn’t fleeting isn’t real. The youngest elders. The oldest youth. Enjoy the ritual in defiance of God. Back to the worm; deborn. Enjoy the ritual in defiance of God. I’m trying to remember the last time I felt safe. I’m trying to remember the last time I was okay. What isn’t fleeting isn’t real. The youngest elders. The oldest youth.
10.
Have you ever thought of killing a kid? One instead of thousands to prove they aren’t made of Kevlar, and maybe you’ll think about holding your own in a trash bag. Ingest in jest. “Your life’s a fucking joke.” Ingested dust. Bullets through the wrong holes. “Requested death.” Apparently asked for. Unjust infest. Pried open eyes forced to watch unfold. Ingest in jest. Ingested dust. “Requested death.” Infest unjust. A machine built to force you to be ripped in half. Protected until you take your first and final breath. Ingest in jest.
11.
SWEET RELIEF 02:24
Another ruined plot. Another blossom clot. I’m feeling like a twitching fern, exhausted by prodding and burnt out by crowding. I’m tired of showing up centered on stage. Chewing scenes. We all have to watch as you’re working it out. Sweet relief of your death. Finally, I can breathe. It’s calming for once. Please release us from your hand. Sweet relief. Sweet relief. Sweet relief of your death. Sweet relief. I can smell your breath. It reeks of certainty. Bring me to the hills where I can be free.

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released July 13, 2026

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HIRS Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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