iridakos - programming jokes and other

Vim

Fri, 20 Dec 2019 09:00:00 +0200

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have stuck in vim
And so have you.

Vim ain't for newbies
But I'm a curious soul
So I went down
That shell rabbit hole.

I tried to edit hosts
Everything went wrong
The file remained open
For two hours long.

When I found the magic
Semicolon double-u q
The file was readonly
You've been there too.

The bells started ringing
As I controlled + c
What was I thinking
I WANT TO BE FREE

I had to stop the panic
Said it'll all be fine
I will just kill the process
Using minus nine.
-- iridakos

Descriptive variable names

Thu, 12 Dec 2019 09:00:00 +0200

[others]: Variable names must be descriptive.

[me]:

$help-help-help: #F1F1F1;

Pizza commit

Wed, 04 Dec 2019 11:00:00 +0200

Me:

$ git commit -m "Closes issue #13"
  * Remove obsolete reference to core entity
  * Refactor module generating values
  * Log every ac...

Colleague: “Hey, the pizza is heeeere”

Me:

* backspaces *
$ git commit -m "Fixes"

What do you get after you lose your data from an SSD?

Wed, 04 Dec 2019 09:00:00 +0200

PTSSD

I am talking to my code

Tue, 03 Dec 2019 21:00:00 +0200

I am talking to my code but according to my cat, this is the least worrying.

i

Fri, 22 Nov 2019 17:00:00 +0200

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I was looping forever
And then I found you.

i was your name
I think j was next to you
Born inside a for
Died in there too.

I saw you getting bigger
Loop over loop over loop
And j was getting smaller
You were a great group.

And then you just vanished
You left me there alone
Condition wasn't true
At least nothing was thrown.

Mom dad I want to be a computer programmer

Sun, 22 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0200

Being a developer

Sun, 21 Jun 2015 10:00:00 +0300

I can’t really remember the first time I saw a computer. I do remember though that “working on a computer” was the first thing that came to my mind when I was asked “What do you want to do when you grow up?”.

Years later, being both a grown up and a developer, I ask myself:

Now that you know, if you were a kid again, would you still want to be working on computers when you grew up?

Let’s see what a life for a developer means to me so far.

My friends

Some of my friends believe that:

when I do stuff on the computer, many windows with progress bars making strange alien movie sounds appear constantly
I smoke and drink coffee in front of at least two monitors till early morning moving my head like cats do when flies pass by
I can hack the whole universe, I just don’t do it because there’s no need

The others believe that:

I am an expert in printing email attached zip files
I am an expert in converting a scanned image to a Microsoft office document
I’m not good at my work because I don’t know how to set a formula in excel
even though they were asked by the store if they wanted the OS installed on their brand new laptop, I should be the one to install it

My family

My mother believes that:

it’s always a good time to call to ask from me to visit her friend with a new TV in order to program the channels
I can handle any device with buttons
I lie when I explain that the bug I was talking about is not a real one and that I should be cleaning the house more regularly

My older siblings believe that:

something went wrong and my parents should have stopped at them

Other developers

Other developers believe that:

the technologies I use suck unless they use them too
I understand them when they talk about all existing technologies, tech abbreviations and conferences
we should go for drinks at a regular basis otherwise we will all end up alone

Cats

My cat believes that:

my computer is her accessory and I can play with it only if I let her hunt the mouse pointer
nothing bad can happen when she steps on keyboard while I’m workingal;kdjfh;lkashkj

The truth

The truth is that being a developer is cool besides the fact that:

even though you think of yourself like Neo, sometimes you might be working for hours on aligning a div vertically in the middle of its container.
even though it’s called MySQL, sometimes it might not feel so “My”
even though you mkdir best_idea_ever on Saturday morning you end your weekend with sudo rm -rf ./best_idea_ever
it’s 2015 and the only thing that renders the same way to all browsers is the about:blank
you read this post to find code snippets