Show, Don’t Tell
I don’t write as much as I once did. I still have things to say and stories to share, but the world is loud and busy, and I’ve found fewer people are reading things longer than a few sentences. I hope this will be an exception.
When I was writing regularly, I benefitted from a wonderful editor. She was the kind of editor that could tell me something was awful or didn’t make sense without making me feel dumb for having tried. I often wished she had written more — why try to polish my words when she could do it better? Thankfully, she has begun to write (and speak) with greater frequency, and all the perceptions I had about her being really good at it have been proven correct.
Josette was recently asked to be the guest speaker at our local high school’s Veteran’s Day ceremony. I really appreciate her perspective on the uncomfortableness many veterans feel when a well-intentioned friend or community member says “thank you for your service.” I think her framing of this discussion was perfect for an audience of ambitious and capable teenagers: follow the examples of service and do something for those around you — we’ll all be better for it.
Please see below for the transcript of her comments.
Thank you so much Dr Duez, and to Anacortes High School for welcoming me today.
My name is Josette Curtis, and I’m a veteran. For twenty years, the Navy allowed me to work with incredible Sailors from all parts of America, travel the world and, as you can probably guess by my nifty flight suit, fly an old, but still very fun, jet. That’s what led me from a small town outside Scranton, Pennsylvania, to flight school in Pensacola, Florida, to eventually getting stationed in Washington, and choosing to stay here in Anacortes.
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Probably the most common thing a veteran hears — not only on Veterans Day but throughout the year — is “thank you for your service.” You may be surprised to hear me tell you that even after many years of hearing that, I’m never quite sure how to respond. “You’re welcome” feels odd, even self congratulatory? Sometimes I say, “It was a great opportunity,” or, “I was lucky to be able to do it.” And I sincerely mean those things! I’ve heard some veterans suggest a response along the lines of, “You’re worth it,” which to me sounds awkward, and more than a little condescending.
If I’m being honest, in the back of my mind, I often think, “You don’t have to say thank you.”
Any writing teacher will tell you, at the heart of great storytelling is the principle: “Show, don’t tell.” And this lines up with what I often think when I hear, “Thank you for your service.” Rather than telling a veteran “thank you,” I encourage you to show gratitude with your actions.
So what does this look like? It does not have to mean heading to the recruiter’s office, or applying for a ROTC scholarship or to a service academy — though some of you may do that in the next few years, and I hope you do!
But at the heart of most everything a veteran does, or did, is the hope that they can meaningfully make their community, country, and world a little bit better. Traveling the world on the Navy’s dime was fun; flying a jet off aircraft carriers was super fun…but at the end of the day, I hope I encouraged my sailors, supported my squadronmates, and exemplified the best of America in other parts of the world.
So going back to my encouragement to show, not tell — everyone in this room can have curious minds and open eyes, and ask yourself — What can I do at home — in my neighborhood — in my classroom — on my team to make someone’s day a little brighter, or easier?
On a larger scale, you can honor a veteran’s service through civic engagement. Yesterday was election day, and I hope that those of you who could, exercised this most fundamental civic right — one that people in many countries around the world have never enjoyed, including countries thousands of American veterans have served in (and in too many cases, never returned from). If you’re still too young, you only have a few more years to wait, and I encourage you to do so when you can.
Lastly, remember that service, no matter how small, is a form of leadership. A leader is not always the person standing at the front of the room, or with the loudest voice, or the most authority. When asked about leadership by a young girl at a town hall several years ago, former Vice President Kamala Harris encouraged her, “You don’t need to wait for permission to lead.” I’ll use this phrase again, because I really mean it. Have curious minds and open eyes, and look for those opportunities, be they large or small. For this veteran, looking for ways to lead, by serving, is the best way you can truly say, “thank you for your service.”
