Sundowner
Sixty years ago, when we lived in Kenya, the sun set around 6:30 pm all year round because we were on the equator. There was little to no twilight, just sunset. We listened to the evening talk and music program on the Voice of Kenya called “Sundowner,” all very British in the spirit of colonists gathering for evening drinks. It was only three years since Kenya became independent and the influence of the white colonists was still strong. Over the three years we were there and especially afterwards, the African majority asserted itself more and more.
More recently, one of the couples I was close to in the senior residence in Quincy aged markedly over the almost three years I knew them. Mostly physically with one husband. Both physical and cognitive with the other. As time went on, the more active partner “J” would explain the absence of his husband at dinner with “He’s sundowning.” Before retiring, he had a career in health care and worked in senior facilities. While I knew what he meant by “sundowning,’ I did not appreciate the full implications of what he said. The Mayo Clinic describes sundowning as:
a state of confusion that occurs in the late afternoon and lasts into the night. Sundowning can cause various behaviors, such as confusion, anxiety, aggression or ignoring directions. Sundowning also can lead to pacing or wandering. … These symptoms may affect people with Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia.
Earlier this week I was feeling anxious and out-of-sorts while I was making supper. At first, I attributed it to being alone in the house while Anne Mei ran out to get gas. Then I remembered what J had said about his partner and wondered if this was a symptom of a developing situation. Last night I felt the same way at supper time, even with Anne Mei a few feet away.
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Then some internet searches found literature on “sunset anxiety,” a known syndrome found among people of all ages and not associated with dementia. Google AI explains:
‘Sunset anxiety’ is a non-clinical term for increased anxiety, dread, or sadness that occurs as daylight fades. Common in individuals with existing anxiety, it is driven by circadian rhythm shifts (lowered cortisol/melatonin changes), end-of-day fatigue, or “productivity guilt”. It is not a formal diagnosis.
I fit the category of “individuals with existing anxiety.” If one focus of worry fades, I will find another. Looking for signs of Alzheimer’s is one constant. I can repeat to myself the Buddha’s advice:
Don’t run back to the past, don’t anticipate the future.
What’s past is left behind, the future has not arrived. (MN 131)
But that’s about as effective as telling myself not to worry. I think I like to worry. After all, I have a PhD in planning. What I don’t do often enough is just focus on what is going on in my body, not whatever it is I’m perseverating about. Listen to the faster heartbeat. Pay attention to where my body is tensing. It won’t resolve the issue, but it will stop useless fretting that just creates another problem.
