Motherhood pt.1
Obviously people are going to be surprised, shocked and even a slight bit disgusted when I tell them that I am a mother.
you may be wondering why they would react that way, right? because being a mother and having a child is amazing but, my story is far from anyone elses but im not saying its better or worse than anybody elses because I dont believe its worse at all nor do I believe that its better either.
Motherhood can happen at any age, even when you least expect it.
I had my first son at 12 and a lot of people seem to be surprised and disgusted but mainly disgusted in me when I tell them about my child because the thought of a child having a child makes people feel uncomfortable and disgusted in our young people and generations these days, right? well thats what one woman said to me.
People are always so grossed out by the fact that I had my first baby at 12 but, why? Because they don’t really understand until they hear the actual proper story first. But they never seem to want to hear me out before they judge me for this, it makes me sad but, I know its expected for them to react that way. I am not entirely a big person nor am I tall, so how could one let alone two babies fit inside of me and how did I survive it, how did it not tear or rip, how did I not lose too much blood? are questions I always ask myself.
When I found out I was pregnant I was horrified, I didn’t want to have a baby yet, I was way too young to have one. I was petrified when I found out I was carrying twins, I didn’t think my body would do that and I thought that it would kill me, I was (still am) a tiny human being I think a bit less then 5 feet tall. I knew though, that I had to accept this and take care of myself the best I could so that I could look after my babies. I was terrified and i’m not ashamed to say that because I was, I didn’t want to have my first kids with an evil man, the man who got me pregnant, I think you might get it now.
I knew that the roles of motherhood laid in my hands now, I needed to keep my babies because they arrived in the worst time of my life and I finally seemed to have something to live for, even though there were the risks, I know that God would be with me and protect me.
When I gave birth, I was Alone, I was at home and had no contact with anyone because I hadn’t had a phone. It was painful, It was too soon, they were 3 months premature. alot was going through my mind, the pain, “what if I die”, “what if they die”, “I need to do this, I know I have God Next to me”.
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it was november 22, 2020 when my first son Bekham Rein was born, there was no life in him, I touched his face and his skin was falling off. My heart was more than Shattered, I think I was screaming, my baby was gone and it was the worst thing that I had I seen A baby that once had a heartbeat was in my arms pale, gone due to trauma. (a story for another time)
The next day, I was sure that I would tear or even rip something down there while giving birth but to my surprise I did not, My son Brighton Kaede was born (23.11.20) and he had life in him, I was crying from heartbreak but I was also thanking God for giving me Brighton because I have no idea what would happen if he died as well. I was so scared, I was in pain and heartbroken my other son didn’t make it.
Those 2 days we’re probably the two most painful days in my entire life.
My son Brighton is still here today, at 3 years old, Happier than Ever. I’m 16 now and couldn’t be more greatful for my son who has given me hope.
I believe My little boy deserves the world and I will show it to him, he’s my Brightest Light and I couldn’t be more happy, despite all that happened I have my little boy.
I love motherhood, it is the most precious gift that God has ever given me.
I love every single thing about my son and still think about my other boy in heaven who was a shield to his brother, he paid the ultimate sacrifice to protect his younger brother and I get that now, I hope he’s proud of both of us.
Thats my story Of my experience with motherhood.
there’s going to be more parts to this story but this is the beginning, I hope you took the time to read and I hope you understand :)
