ABSTRACT: Connection-based v. experienced-based modes of intimacy: expressive or determinative of gender?
A.C. Gaia, DG Williams, R. Ohlendorf
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Intl. Soc. Science Rev. (publication forthcoming)
The literature increasingly differentiates between lower (masculine) and higher (feminine) modes of emotional intelligence.[1] The models tell us that useful, in-the-moment intimacies are socialized as women’s traits, whereas “manly” expressions of closeness are rooted in nostalgia, pining for remembered (imagined) bygones.[2] The literature has yet to disentangle whether the latter expressions are the end of male intimacy or a means. Do men rehash their previous experiences because they are “stuck,” unable to simply ask (e.g.,) how have you been doing lately? Or are these efforts a signifier, a coded request for permission to proceed to less safe, “realer” (more female) expressions of support?[3] We propose that the answer depends on determining whether these expressions are upstream or downstream of gender. Is connecting to a person’s present status and needs (rather than simply remembering shared experiences) something we learn from our gender assignment, or an a priori consideration that feeds and informs gender (or, alternatively, is there some dialectic middle ground to be mapped out)?
We propose to disambiguate this problem via the following thought experiment: a husband and wife have just returned home, each after having visited a respective old friend. The wife reports that she discussed work successes, their respective children’s spate of flu, the status of a mutual friend’s pregnancy, upcoming travel plans, and so forth. The husband reports that they talked about different Pittsburgh Pirates c. 1996–2017, including, without limitation: Randall Simon. Pat Meares. Doug Minkevitch. Kip Wells. Daniel Moskos. Ty Wigginton. Tike Redman. Bronson Arroyo. Nyjer Morgan. Mark Melancon. Lyle Overbay. Todd Ritchie. Derek Lee. Andy LaRoche. Adam LaRoche. Matt Williams. Tony Womack. Paul Maholm. Evan Meek. Xavier Nady. Joel Hanrahan. Jeff Karstens. Chase D’Arnaud. Zach Duke. Kenny Lofton. Adam Hyzdu. Sean Casey. Raul Mondesi. Neil Walker. Jack Wilson. Abraham Nunez. Clint Barmes. Fredy Sanchez. Matt Capps. Josh Harrison. Edison Volquez. Daniel McCutchen. Daryle Ward. A.J. Burnett. Kris Benson. Steve Pearce. Octavio Dotel. Soloman Torres. Pedro Alvarez. Lastings Milledge. Rob Mackowiak. Josh Bell. Starling Marte. Damaso Marte. Craig Wilson. Esteban Loaiza. Kevin Young. Michael “Fort” McHenry. Aramis Ramirez. Nate McLouth. Chris Duffy. Vance Worley. Gregory Polanco. Sean Burnett. Jason Bay. “Big Country” Brad Eldred. Jung Ho Kang. Ian Snell. Derek Bell. Al Martin. The time Lloyd McLendon stole first base. Jeff Suppan. John Vander Wal. Matt Stairs. John Van Benschoten. Reggie Sanders. Josh Fogg. Tom Gorezelanny. Jordy Mercer. Ronny Paulino. Humberto Cota. Ryan Doumit (more like No-mitt). Alex Pressley. Jason Grilli. Jose Tabata. Jeff Locke. Tony Watson. Jason Schmidt. Jose Bautista. Francisco Cordova. Scott Sauerbeck. Russell Martin. Jose Guillen. Chad Hermanso
