Confrontation

Simply writing the word builds anxiety in me. By definition it means a hostile or argumentative situation with two parties. A large part of my life as an entrepreneur requires me to confront situations and people that are not in exact alignment with my end goals. Be it customers or employees, disagreements are bound to happen. My earlier resort was to delay the confrontation to as far into the future as possible. But then there would come w time when confronting becomes inevitable but the situation would have escalated and gotten out of hand.

Years and years of polishing my skills in avoidance tactics has only brought me more grief. So it was important to take stock and understand what were those core problems that don’t allow me to confront and resolve as soon as the situation demands it.

1. Lazy communication: I am not big on communication. I find it tedious to explain myself to other people. It’s easier if time resolved issues and my lazy communication skills don’t have to play a part in the resolution.
2. Discomfort about upsetting people: It is a people pleasing tactic which refuses to leave me. I want everyone to like me. Confrontation leads to discomfort which in turn leads to dislike.
3. Lack of self belief: I genuinely think that I could lose an argument even before I have started talking. I feel that my brain won’t support me with lucid, practical arguments to stun my opposition. That will leave me looking like a fool.
4. Burning bridges is the only solution to any confrontation: all of the above points ensure that the confrontation has already reached its tipping point and it is bound to burn the bridges with no resolution in sight.
5. People will judge me that I am too emotional

Personally I think, my conditioning since my childhood has been about avoiding confrontation and accepting the situation for what it is. While that approach may have served me back then as a child, a teen, a college going student and later a very, young corporate professional, it certainly does not serve me now.

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But I also realise, growing older does not automatically qualify me to become better at it and there is incessant work that needs to be done.

• I am working on my communication. One- to -one works better than distance communication via email or whatsapp. I just pick up the phone and call or meet them in person.
• I am trying to get over that fact that not everyone is going to like me. This is getting easier as everyone’s opinion doesn’t matter to me anymore.
• All confrontation doesn’t always lead to a break down. Most of them surprisingly don’t even feel like confrontations. They are simply conversations that lead to definitive solutions.
• Humour helps in resolving serious matters instantly.
• When I approach people to confront or converse, they actually appreciate it because they think I care enough to want to find a solution.
• My relationships with people I used to have more disagreements before have gotten better since I decided to not push things under the carpet.
• I mentally prepare beforehand if it is going to be a tough confrontation. I stick to the point and prompt solutions for early resolution.
• I am emotional and I cannot separate that side of me when I deal with people. Confronting can be an emotional experience despite my preparation and that is alright.

I take each day as it comes- in all its glory and with all its challenges. I also give myself the leeway to feel what I am feeling and respond accordingly. In all this new- found self – awareness if there is one thing that I don’t do anymore is avoid confrontations.