Double Detachment
“Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
The shift started out subtle, yet in my mind, it happened so fast that my whole inner being felt its shift. Honestly I didn’t quite know how to process it at first. On one hand, I felt rejuvenated because I finally let go of the idea of “us.” No more rushing and trying to force my own timing. Instead I put my faith completely in God's promises and His timing. But on the other hand, it came with a lingering ache of sadness. My heart definitely felt the weight of pulling back and detaching. Am I going to build up a brick wall around my heart again? Of course not. Those walls have a door — and he still has the key.
And if I'm being completely honest, I had been noticing a steady withdrawal on his part as well over the past few weeks. I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. I kept making excuses in my mind, telling myself that he’s simply going through something on his own right now. There’s no way he’s actually pulling away from me, right? But that’s the thing about us — we tend to ignore the quiet, inner voice of the Holy Spirit when we don’t like what it is revealing. Although choosing to detach felt deeply liberating, it was also emotionally debilitating. It was liberating in the sense that now that I had pulled my emotions back, I was able to pour even more energy into my goals for the month. Yet, it felt emotionally debilitating because the moment my daily goals were achieved, I was left sitting all alone in this quiet space.
Sitting in that quiet space feeling isolated and alone left my mind wide open for the enemy’s attacks — and better believe, he walked boldly through those doors. Old insecurities I thought I had already moved past started to resurface, and I caught myself starting to question if I even heard from God correctly at all. I am so thankful for God for His wisdom in those moments. Scripture reminds me that God isn’t the author of confusion, but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33) and He isn’t a human being that He should ever lie (Numbers 23:19). This truth allowed me to recognize satan’s tactics immediately and battle him with God's word. Relying on my God-given strength, I am determined to keep my guard up and remain vigilant.
I began filling those quiet spaces conversing more deeply with God, which created room for Him to speak directly to my spirit. God questioned whether I truly trusted the direction He was leading me — and from the depths of my heart, I knew I did. Trusting that God always has our best interest at heart, allowed me to place the love I carry for this incredible man into God's capable hands. Detaching from someone you love is hard, it’s even harder when they are detaching from you at the same time. My love detached from me, and looking at the bigger picture, I know it was all God’s doing.
I didn’t want to accept it in the beginning, my flesh fought hard against it. And if I'm being transparent, I’d never had a man detach from me before, and I definitely didn’t like it. Right in the middle of my frustration, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I was the one who prayed for God to keep us apart until His work was finished in us both. Looking back, I guess I conveniently forgot the “both” part. I figured my prayer meant God would just have me do the detaching. I was mentally prepared for the isolation that came with my side of it, so I was caught off guard when God decided to isolate us both. Now, we are both detached and isolated from each other — I can finally see why it had to happen this way.
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Right now, God is working on us individually. He wants both of us to be strong enough to stand on our own without leaning on or propping up the other person. That means facing our own insecurities and imperfections separately so that we can be made whole together. Then — and only then — will God bring us back into each other’s orbit. Whether we are meant to walk forward as life partners or lifelong friends, I leave that entirely up to God. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God's way is always the best way, and I fully trust His guidance and direction.
The hardest part was that I had gotten so accustomed to us always being there for each other that stepping back felt completely foreign. I wanted him right there alongside me on my continuous growth journey, just like I had been on his. God pulled away the very support system I had grown attached to — my emotional security blanket so to speak. He put a full stop to the texts and visits, meaning no more pouring motivational words of encouragement, at least for now. I won’t lie, It was very difficult at first. Actually detaching meant my fighting the urge to text him every time I hit a milestone or set a new goal. It took real discipline, but with each passing day it got easier.
Sure, I could have easily picked up the phone or sent a quick text, but I knew that I’d be working against what God is trying to do in our individual lives. Instead of caving in to those impulses, I chose to hold onto a quietness in my spirit while leaving my faith unwavered. I’m going to keep right on resting in God's promises just like the scripture says in Isaiah 30:15: “In quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” So, no matter the temporary absence of our communication, I know my heart feels his, just as his does mine.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have his full support and love, and that’s truly enough for me. I will not run from the raw emotions that this detachment has sprung up. Instead, I will sit with it, process it and sort through those feelings with grace. I will let them shape me, not break me. During this time of isolation and detachment I will continue to faithfully build my spiritual character. I will remain focused on achieving my goals and walking steadily along my divinely aligned path.
God will often allow people to detach from us in order to shine a light to our buried insecurities. When all of our attention wrapped up in someone else, it’s way to easy to ignore the unresolved issues within ourselves. We completely miss the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit saying “You’re not ready yet, there’s still work to be done.” So, instead of wasting this season, I am going to use this time to work on my recurring insecurities head-on.
Detachment isn’t always a bad thing; this temporary separation will help us both to see things from a clearer, healthier perspective. Perhaps he isn’t meant to be my lifelong love — maybe we were simply placed in each other’s lives for a specific, divine season and that season has finally run its course. And if that’s indeed the case, letting go will undeniably be painful. Transitioning my heart from being in love with this man to having love for him as a friend is going to be a real challenge. Even so, I am officially giving up the chase. Pursuing something outside of God’s will for my life would be foolish on my part. I choose alignment over striving.
That’s the real beauty behind this double detachment. It’s quietly preparing both of us — and our hearts — to accept whatever God’s will is for us. I’ve realized that true strength isn’t holding on tight; it’s having the courage to release that which God tells me to let go of. This double detachment is going to give the both of us the clarity we need. Letting go of the familiarity of him being a constant in my life will be difficult, but I know that God will see me right through it. Even though we’re walking our separate paths right now, we’re still held together in spirit, through prayer, and inside God’s will. I have no idea what this detachment will look like for us once it’s over, but, whatever the outcome turns out to be, I will be content in my spirit either way — becaus God's will has been done.
