HOLDING ON.
Every day the sun comes up, even though the clouds obscure it, the grass grows and the birds sing. In the hedgerows buds regenerate, hips and haws pop in and out of the greenery, field mice and shrews and rabbits and foxes survive as they have for thousands of years. In the meadows, the earth moves with the excavations of worms, grubs and moles. Every living thing plays out the intense drama called life.
And what of the drama we are part of when we have a cancer diagnosis? Something changes once you know you have this ‘thing’ inside you. You become a different person, a human being who is treading a path full of thorns and trip hazards and dark places you would rather not encounter. So, how do you point yourself toward the light, the easy, the gentle, the warmth of normality? But then, what is normal?
Cancer changes your perspective, your understanding of your destiny, and the way you see the sunshine. And in that moment of change, you often feel that as well as the physical differences happening to your body, your mind can change too. You change your mind about who you are, who you were, who you will be. You change your mind about the map of your life. You change your mind daily, one day feeling optimistic and profoundly cheerful, then overwhelmingly sad and grief-stricken.
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Then — as time moves on, you reach the plateau.
What do I mean by the plateau? In my case, it is a place where I see a universe, a world in which I can live with the possibility that I will be claimed by this disease, and — here’s where it gets interesting — see past that, into an active mind space, progressive, something that is more than fear, grief, and a label — ‘she’s the woman who has cancer’, and climb into a new set of life clothes — not the kind you order online, but a beautiful garment that will move you into a new place full of mindfulness, awareness, joy and excitement that each breath you take tells you that life is in you!
So, live in your life. It’s beautiful to be alive, to have been conceived in a random act of love, to have developed in a cosy womb, to come into the light on a day you will celebrate with cake and candles and joy for years to come. Live in the life that gives you a blue sky, beams of golden sun, snowflakes, gales and storms, a life that will continue even when you are dust; will continue in the minds of those who knew you, loved you, walked the dark path beside you.
Having cancer will not consume your thoughts, your beliefs, or your inner peace unless you let it. It’s just a ‘thing’ and like all things it will pass. All of us have the common denominator of death and the echo you leave will last forever. That echo is perfect. See the next moment as a new beginning and hold on to the sunshine inside you with determined tenacity — and love.
