Red Instead of Green
On May 28, Donald Trump’s administration made an official run at the design of the U.S. dollar. To mark the nation’s independence milestone, the Treasury decided to roll out a $250 banknote featuring the profile of the 45th president.
The idea immediately hit a legal dead end. An 1866 U.S. law strictly forbids depicting living people on currency. The rule is ironclad, but the problem is easily solved. A couple more rallies in Butler, and this annoying formality will take care of itself.
While the White House scrambles for legal loopholes and fires defiant Bureau of Engraving directors, my fellow artist and I decided not to wait for Congressional approval. Instead, we printed his face on a Soviet ten-ruble bill. Honestly, it looks much better this way. For one, the banknote’s red color perfectly matches the GOP’s signature hue. Furthermore, Trump’s profile fits into the Soviet metallographic engraving style like a glove.
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To fully clear any issues with Goznak, the Central Bank, and the U.S. Secret Service — and to properly honor Trump’s profound contribution to world peace — we decided to print the entire run on two-ply toilet paper.
The only remaining snag is what to call this new bill. The best I could come up with on short notice was The One-Eared Don, but that feels a bit too wordy for solid street slang. What would you call it?
