A conversation with my heart
Disappointed, defeated, and disheartened, I came to bed last night after a mentally and physically tiring day. I wanted to start a new life, give it another try, but I was fearful of myself. What if I fail again? What if my heart pulls back and my mind cannot work alone? I need my heart this time, not just my mind, to rebuild my life. I asked my heart what it wants. Only when it tells me clearly will I be able to create a heart-centred new life.
I listened hard — not with desperation but with curiosity and patience. A genuine willingness to know and work on it. Like a good husband who, after being tired of trying to make his wife happy, finally asks, “What do you want? How do I make you happy?”
I felt it this time, truly felt it. It was sudden but clear communication. Whether it was the total hopelessness coupled with a genuine wish to work, or just the silence of the night, I heard my heart communicate clearly. I got the answer: it just wants the regular moments. Not achievements, not money, power, position, or promotion — but pure presence in simple, regular, and totally underestimated daily life moments. Suddenly, I saw a flashback of me sitting in the college canteen over seats made of red bricks, talking to my friends — a very regular moment of my college life. There were many moments that were happier, more adventurous and fun: parties, juries, sports week, college bunks, case studies, late-night projects with friends, movies, and outings. Yet out of all these moments, my heart chose a simple one.
My heart, to my surprise, did not want clothes, shoes, skincare items, or lavish holidays. It wanted to slow down from time to time — to experience this passing life. Even the days of unemployment. Yes. The ambiguity, hopelessness, searching, networking, and sometimes long stretches of doing nothing. All of this was truly coming from my heart. I could feel that my mind wasn’t directly producing these thoughts and images. They were my heart’s creation.
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My heart revealed more cherished moments: the view of the mango tree outside my window, the peaceful times spent sitting in the lawn alone or with my family. To be present through it all, it wanted me to really be there and hear my mother talk when she speaks non-stop about neighborhood stories, tales from her daily walks, memories from her childhood and her favourite part-finding faults in me. It requested me to be more aware of myself and others when I’m sitting in my sibling’s room, chatting with him and my sister-in-law. To be present during my dad’s singing sessions and when he talks about music. To be fully present during my walks. To immerse myself in nature. To listen to birds chirping and leaves rustling in the breeze. To embrace the sun’s warmth without shielding myself, welcoming this city’s dry summer air. To accept whatever life brings. After all, this is my life, and these are the moments I’ll carry with me when it ends.
My heart urged me to travel and live away from the city, somewhere remote, suburban, or if possible, in a village-like area atleast once in this life. To feel the wildness of the forests, to walk barefoot on the ground. My heart said I should know what it feels like to pluck fresh fruits and vegetables and cook with them. It told me not to spend all my time in the concrete jungle. The beauty of living on Earth is to live on Earth and experience it fully — not to shield myself from the dust, sun, rain, and grass. After all, what is the point of coming to this planet?
Not to rush through life focused only on money, UX, investing, buying, and building businesses. To have a balanced life. To engage in relationships, play, and rest. To live authentically as myself, not merely following others’ paths — the way my childhood self would have wanted. Not to disconnect from old friends just because of marriage and family. To keep building new relationships. To find people who will happily share a simple cup of tea with me at home, without needing too meet for fancy meals at a restaurant.
My heart said: ride the bicycle more — it’s catching dust. Walk more. And find ways to laugh, just like old times. For the first time, I understood my heart this clearly. It values the simple moments. Not the big ones , not even the ones that we are taught we should do in life in the name of being a good human being like helping people, solving problems, or forgiving people. It just wants presence through it all. A walk, a coffee, a book. That’s all it needs. It even filtered out the hurt that comes with certain relationships and just remembered the good time spent with them.
My heart is so different from my mind. The mind brings thinking, planning, emotions. It brings hurt, defeat, hard work, success, love, respect, and countless other things into my life. It’s the one creating life. But the heart — it’s simple. Life is short. Live, laugh, be fulfilled, thats the motto of the heart.
Thank you, my heart. That was some clarity.I promise you: I will meet your little, simple, but very special demands. I will keep you happy and fulfilled, no matter where my mind takes me in this life.
In the end, I know my mind will keep racing ahead — chasing goals, solving problems, making sense of everything. But I hope my heart always keeps reminding the real meaning of life for me. I hope in the chaos of life, I keep finding moments to connect with my heart and ask, what do you want? How do I make you happy?
