Oh, Woe, Little Toe
“Hey, Dad?”
“Yes, Jesus?”
“I’m just curious… Why’d you only give people four toes?”
“That’s all they need. Why?”
“Well, five fingers, four toes, just seems… odd.”
“Technically it’s four fingers and a thumb.”
“Well, their feet have one abnormally big toe, kind of like a thumb.”
“But not opposable.”
“I get that, Dad, but hands have that little pinky finger that moves all weird and makes the other finger move with it… but no little toe?”
“That was an artistic choice, Son. However, the pinky does have a special purpose.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, it’s the only finger that will reliably fit in a nostril or an ear. I plan on making those things itch.”
“…but-”
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“The ‘elbow’ thing? That’s just for liability. Can’t have people jabbing their brains and claiming ‘well, God gave me a diggy finger!’ It’s an ‘at your own risk’ sort of thing.”
“Yeah… I guess I can’t really imagine anyone needing to dig in an orifice with a tiny toe.”
“That would be gross, Son.”
“Grosser than doing it with a finger?”
“Absolutely.”
“Yeah, I have to give you that.”
“Son…”
“Yeah, Dad?”
“The four-toe thing is actually bothering you, eh?”
“A bit.”
“Fine, I’ll add an additional little toe, but since it’s a last-minute addition, I’m not going to waste time on making it useful or anything… like, it’ll barely be able to move by itself and we’re low on toenail material so don’t expect much there, either.”
“That’s fantastic!”
“Yeah, I mean, what could it hurt?”
