Anti-Social Media
Random thoughts from an online interpersonal communication course
I’m not anti-social media in the sense that I don’t like social media. There are aspects of it that I’m not a fan of, but what my lack of usage comes down to is that I’m just not that into it. Take, Facebook for instance: I have exactly 101 interesting friends right now, most of whom post constantly on their walls with thoughtful ideas and funny pictures or GIFs. But I can barely manage to force myself to keep using Facebook as professional networking tool, let alone find the time to post as much content as my friends online. Maybe if I did post more, I would’ve made a higher number of personal connections with a small percentage of my contacts. As of now, however, I can easily say that 95 percent of my online acquaintances represent highly impersonal relationships, while the last 5 percent are practically (or literally) family. Weirdly enough, my two best friends (from as far back as childhood) aren’t on my Facebook friends list. We just never bothered to connect online; too close in real life, I guess.
My lack of communication over social media results because I feel like I can’t be bothered: I.e. I’m not compelled to interact with people online when I could just do it in person. It’s just so much more rewarding to me to engage with friends and family in the old-fashioned way. When I do raise a finger to communicate with someone over a digital social platform, it’s usually just to punch a ‘Like’ button or say ‘Happy Birthday’. I’m bad at building intimate, or even strong, relationships online because I’m lazy about it.
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Most of these half-assed interactions occur on Facebook or Twitter and I’ve met almost everyone linked to those accounts, at least one. Then I have a few distant friends who I text or message almost exclusively. My rule of thumb, though, is that if your name’s in my phone’s contact list, I’ll probably be seeing you in person at least once a year.
The people I have ongoing interactions with over social platforms come from all different walks of life, different age groups and both/all genders, etc. Because of my broad spectrum of acquaintances, the reason I have for interacting with a given individual (when I actually get around to it) varies from case to case. It could be to solidify future business ventures, to ask a quick question or just remind them that I exist by “waving”.
The benefits of mediated channels like texting or social media, for me at least, are that I have more control of what I say and how I say it. When I do use these methods, I have a chance to make ideas clearer or jokes funnier and there are times when that kind of safety net is attractive to me. I realize as I write this that some of the longest text conversations I ever had were with my wife, when we were first getting together. As someone who doesn’t text much, it does strike me as ironic that I sculpted a relationship with someone who is now one of the most important and intimate people in my life, at least in part, from behind a digital interface. (It’s funny, actually, because the irony wasn’t lost on my wife, either, when I told her I was taking a course in interpersonal communication that was completely online…)
In the end, an online presence of any kind can be sculpted more than a personal one and, in that way, it can be a powerful tool. Thinking about and crafting better responses as I chatted with my future-wife over text messages probably effected the way she looked at me as I was courting her. And I probably engaged with her in this way because it gave me a sense of security as I bore my soul to someone I had a huge crush on (and she probably reciprocated this form of communication for similar reasons).
In the same way, I’m sure all relationships, in whatever forms they take, can be stimulated and positively impacted by the ‘designed’ nature of an online presence…. which is probably why I should use my social media accounts more.
