Cerulean
“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up”.
.
.
“I’m a little behind schedule, sorry, I have to go.”
How could I make up such an equivalent?
It happens all the time, on the street, at parties, in more formal places, among family and friends. At times like these, I want to use both hands to firmly return the completely meaningless words that came out of the other person’s mouth back into the same place, until they choke their own words.
I don’t have any anger issues. I’m just a little allergic to nonsense. But it would be great if I could show my true self to them.
Probably not.
I have no idea.
Even if I could, how many of them would actually care? Or be affected or moved?! It just makes people avoid me and makes them think I’m a weirdo.
My day was easily ruined by an accidental encounter with one of my relatives on the street. She started asking stupid personal questions, making sarcastic comments, and saying things that even she wouldn’t believe if they were repeated twice in a row; and by doing this, she would make my time, which was not very valuable, become valuable to me. Then the sound in my head would be repeated, saying: ”please leave me alone for God’s sake”; but instead I would throw all the these beautiful flowers at them. Colorful fresh flowers. After several endless minutes, they would walk away, and it has been me, who lost all his energy, and them, who gain all those. Maybe this even felt worse to me.
Get Parnian’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Everyone knows me as a quiet and harmless person. This is what happens when you think you’re too smart without trying to guess what’s going on inside the other person’s head. You cannot imagine that while I am giving you a very real smile, I want to pull your mouth from both sides so much that you can no longer say anything about this and that which you are not ready to say in front of the same person.
You even maybe be right about this person, But I need to remind you what a coward person you are. Exactly when you are commenting on this and that, you should know how coward you seem to me. You may be making up this nonsense about other people to avoid the fact that they also may be passing on comments about you to others. Whether your words are right or wrong, in my opinion you are a bunch of cowards. I am also a coward for not slapping this truth in your face right now, when you’re talking gibberish to me. But well…
Those damn flowers again…
That’s not even the most tragic part of the story. Just when I need to express my affection and give energy to the people I love, just when they need these damn colorful flowers, just when I need to throw this at them, my mouth gets locked, my body is tired, I have no energy. Even by seeing my face, they might get tired. I never understood why I acted right to the wrong person and wrong to the right person. I don’t think I will ever be able to change the way I treat people close to me because that is exactly who I am, but other people…maybe.
But no.
What is the difference again?
Nothing changes about these people.
Why do I care?
It doesn’t matter.
While I was lost in thought, a boy hit me. I don’t think it was intentional. I looked at him and forgot to fix my expression and he thought that I was going to shout at him, so before I could open my mouth to get the words out, he stepped forward and apologized. I told him not to think about it at all, and then a whole bunch of blue flowers was thrown into my face, blocking my vision. He bent his neck and rubbed the back of it gently as if he was embarrassed that I saw his flowers. I could not believe he is just like me. I never thought there could be any other person beside me having theses flowers.
He wanted to leave, he looked scared; but I took his hand. I didn’t want to miss this opportunity. I held his hand.
I shouldn’t let him go.
He was not like everyone.
