11th January 2026

Learning to trust myself…

I’ve made peace with having trust issues. I accept it impacts my interpersonal dynamics, which isn’t ideal, but it is what it is. I keep people at arm’s length if possible, sometimes to the perceived detriment of friendships. They perceive it that way, not I.

The biggest trust gap I’m trying to bridge over is the one with me.

Not trusting myself isn’t a concept I’d considered until I heard it mentioned on one of the many podcasts I listen to. I thought about all the promises I’d made to myself and broken.

These promises ranged from menial to major, like not hitting snooze on my alarm clock and making sure I food prep, to getting myself to the doctor or quitting a bad habit. Menial or major, every promise I’ve broken to myself has compounded into my subconscious distrust of myself.

Coping mechanisms that only make situations worse were my crutch for a long time. Every time I told myself I’d give up my vices, it was a lie. I would try repeatedly. Some stretches lasted longer than others, but ultimately I would always find a loophole through which to enable myself to return to bad habits.

I would set myself writing goals, music completion goals, and the like. Some stretches lasted longer than others, but ultimately I wouldn’t achieve what I set…