9th January 2026

A recovering self-neglecting people pleaser…

I’m a recovering people pleaser. Whether seemingly trivial or higher stakes, actions of fully grown adults implanted the subconscious belief that my plans and needs took a back seat to what they required of me — as a child.

I learnt to be okay with neglecting myself to appease and meet the needs of others. As my responsibilities mounted — university, writing deadlines, my job — I had much less free time to help fully functioning and capable adults.

Not so freely available for the adults in my life to offload their responsibilities to me, I became a problem. According to them, I thought too much of myself. Go figure! Adults penalising a teenager for trying to make something of my life.

The damage is long-lasting

I internalised their messed-up rhetoric and felt guilt for no longer being able to do what they, in hindsight, unjustly asked of me. I know better now, but the damage still rears its head years later.

There are opportunities that would have aided my personal growth, and potentially altered my trajectory, that I passed on because I felt I didn’t deserve them.

Reckless words from adults taught me that striving for my best future meant “I thought too much of myself.” As an adult, I…