Oh. Canada. #NDNversion
I rewrote the national anthem for your birthday, Canada.
You don’t have to thank me, Canada, it’s cool. I couldn’t think of what to buy you for your birthday, I mean what do you buy someone that has literally (stolen) everything? So, for your birthday, I gave you a new song.
I hope you like it.
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OH. CANADA.
Oh, Canada, (insert deep sigh) your home is on Native land. Please think of me (smile abnoxiously), whenever you cut your grass.
Please don’t be surprised when you’re camping, if I show up and demand a steak (rub belly emphatically in circular motion, make prolonged eye contact with the front row). After all, you see, for thousands of years we used to trade on the lakes (insert deep sigh).
Please don’t be mad (scan crowd for irate lunatic good ol’ boys and sobbing White Women) these are just the facts (throw 1000 photocopies of RCAP into crowd), you guys showed up over here and we took good care of your sickly white ass (insert deep sigh).
Please don’t be mad cuz you’re stuck with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (Scan crowd again for weapons & confederate flags. If none, pack up & get outta dodge ASAP).
*stage directions in parentheses for Indigenous musicians, artists or community people willing to sing this in public if ever given the opportunity.
