Air Fryers
I’ve been thinking a bit about forming an organization called “Air Fryer Owners of America”.
The AFOA would have modest yearly membership dues of $1,000.
Now before getting all huffy about that amount we need to think in terms of all that extra time you have on your hands because of the efficiencies of air frying.
For example, using your AF just once a day - breakfast for example - to “fry” your eggs saves at least a half an hour over conventional methods such as using an messy, oily skillet on your stove, or, God forbid, some sort of Instant Pot abomination.
(Before going further I should say that “AF” is the term we insiders use to refer to our air fryers.)
That half hour daily savings amounts to over 180 hours yearly and could be spent working part time at a local burger joint and earning thousands of dollars.
So, you see, you could easily afford the dues and have plenty left over to purchase little extras for your AF — things like silicone muffin cups, “oven” mittens, and aluminum foil to cover the bottom tray.
Once the AFOA is established we would need to create an Executive Board.
The Board of the AFOA would pool part of the money from dues to establish a Political Action Committee. The PAC would be used to support congressional candidates sympathetic to our cause.
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Considering the number of us owning and using AFs we could probably rival the NRA, Big Pharma, or even the Koch brothers in congressional clout.
We wouldn’t necessarily have large legislative ambitions. Although requiring AF usage in public school home economics classes is a tempting idea. And strongly “encouraging” the same in private schools receiving taxpayer funding seems only reasonable.
We might advocate sliding an AF question or two into the citizenship test for new immigrants.
The national defense budget should be increased to include air fryer installations in all Navy ships, Army bases, and aircraft with more than one person crews.
We also believe it’s not unreasonable to require both federal and state employees traveling on government business to stay overnight only at motels and hotels where they can find AF cookbooks alongside the Gideon Bible. (Not to demean public employees but we should expect hefty theft rates of the books, so management of the facilities should keep an ample resupply on hand. Well, larger supplies than would normally be expected of the bibles.)
Moving on from governmental concerns my dreams for future AFOA projects include delving into Artificial Intelligence.
Who better to help spread the gospel of air frying than Julia Child?
Using AI we could resurrect the old gal, dressing her in a “Kiss the Cook” apron and turn her loose doing delicacies such as Cornish hens in her Cuisinart. The mind boggles with Julia taking on grilled cheese sandwiches.
AI would also allow us to insert Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce as Julia’s assistants and would guarantee huge audiences in Kansas City and among Swiftie fan clubs.
For those of a slightly younger generation we could tap the “Galloping Gourmet”, Graham Kerr, who’s still alive and kicking. With a little help from AI we could have him take on the “Full English Breakfast” (with the possible exception of baked beans). Fish and chips would be a no-brainer for him.
We would expect fresh new episodes of those shows would certainly be a major boost for public television and might well impact their bottom lines to the extent of less strident fund raising pleas.
And there you have it AF aficionados, I stand in awe at the potential clout of the AFOA.
