The 20’s are always the best times
My Most Enjoyable Experience
The Task
When I was 20, life felt both short and overwhelming. I was stuck in a marriage filled with serious abuse, where my husband’s idea of love and intimacy was cruel and self-serving. I felt invisible, unimportant, and desperate for something different. That’s when I met a couple on Fetlife. I wasn’t looking for pain or bondage — I was just lonely and searching for connection.
This man, Carl, and his wife were nothing like what I’d experienced before. Carl had expectations, but he also followed through with patience, guidance, and care.
When he disciplined me, it wasn’t out of anger or selfishness. He explained why and helped me grow from it. Through this, I realized I actually craved accountability, and for the first time, being vulnerable felt exciting rather than terrifying.
One of my favorite memories with Carl came from a game we often played. Whenever we were together, he’d ask me to pick three items from the toy box, but I never knew how or when they’d be used. Sometimes, he’d leave them out where I could see them all day, making me curious and on edge. Other times, he’d pack them away and pull them out when I least expected it. It felt like I had a say in what happened, but I still didn’t have full control — an exciting mix of freedom and surrender.
I was just lonely and searching for connection. -Chrystal B.
Even when we weren’t physically together, Carl made sure I felt important. He’d send me tasks — maybe a photo, a video, or something to write — and it reminded me that I mattered, even from afar. The distance was never a barrier for our relationship. In these moments I learned to fend and care for myself and others knowing I had support where it mattered.
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One of the most intimate things we did was what I call our “shower talks.” If I was struggling to open up or communicate, we’d use this ritual to connect.
I’d kneel in the shower while he controlled the water, and we’d talk through questions and direct answers. It was a way for me to be honest and trust him completely, knowing he’d guide me to a place where I felt safe and heard. It held me accountable and it helped him to understand that being vulnerable was extremely hard for me.
These moments weren’t just about fun; they taught me so much about trust, communication, and my own needs. For the first time, I felt seen and cared for in a way I’d never known before. He wanted to do what was needed in order to understand me and make me feel loved and accepted no matter the abuses I had endured. He allowed my baggage and he embraced me for having it and being able to share and grow through it.
Sharing this story is part of my healing process. These experiences shaped who I am, and I want to share more of them with you. This is only one piece of my journey, and I know there are many more to tell.
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With Love
Chrystal Brotherson
