Lessons or Blessings
“people in our lives
are either a lesson or a blessing”
We brought out the playful child in each other
the friend I always yearned for
an ease when around each other
It coudn’t be denied
I finally felt
in real time
though
somehow I knew
she wouldn’t stay.
I wanted her
more than anything
when I thought
she was true to me
She was a long time,
I could tell
then…
different smiles
she wore around me
the way they faded
by our trip home from Cabo
then solidified later
the way she fondly
reminisced of lost loves
told me everything
I thought I needed to know
That she’d never be mine
although I believe
she wanted to
I also believe
she didn’t believe in the love
I was able to give to her
My love could be actually
what she deserved
My love
I always actively
wrapped her in.
My love
warm, through your veins love
She often said
toward the end,
things her ex’s
had said to her
the wishes they had for her
the same I had for her
that she’d find peace in herself,
and learn how to release
the anger from her heart
a deep grief,
the harrowing pain
that kept her at arms length;
I felt
I saw
I lived it
dare you find
like i did,
she was performing;
to hide
Get Sonstar’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
to keep up appearances
to pretend she didn’t still hurt
to pretend she was always okay
that her purpose here
was to caretake everyone
Just like I was doing
with a hug
with a smile
with a laugh
with a “…that’s Tuesday!”
once you’ve seen
the many faces of her,
you cannot unsee them
I never wanted
to have to unlearn her
or to unlove her
because how can one begin
to unravel the tangle of special
she was to me?
when she shared
her authentic self
I opened up more too
I loved her
I adored her
I trusted her
I admired her
I touched her
I still cannot believe
my life is so empty
without the energy
of what I love of and in her
my heart won’t settle
despite her scars,
I loved her more for them
despite her betrayals
I wanted to understand why
to know she knowingly palnned
to get rid of me
to push me away
to show me the cruel in her
the mean she blamed on family history
the deep grief she needed to find the source of
that made her begin to resent me
hearing her many new tones
while observing her behaviors change
pulling away
then blaming me for it
to try to make me stop loving her
to convince herself
she didn’t deserve my compassion
my touch
my true friendship
my companionship
my work
my understanding of her deep soul
my undying devotion
It is an unfathomable reality
It is now a disaster.
but
I still loved her
of course
I miss her
