I Used To Mask Now Authentic is My Joy — SquashedFrog
The world is not safe for people like me who choose to be authentic. Every moment an assault on super sensitive senses. I’m talking the physical world, It’s loud, aggressive, as hustle focused as our world is leaves no room for those like me that feel, hear, smell, and see everything magnified by infinity.
AUDHD Is a Special World To live In
The most simple things are overwhelming. The world is atough to navigate with a straight face or without a mask. Yet. Yet, if we are weird, or ask for help, or refuse to operate in a society dictated boxes, we are shunned, criticised, mocked, even isolated.
Our brains are different, and so, so beautiful. To us. It’s when we interact with the world that it becomes difficult. Or to be more precise, world that had no room for us. A group of neurodivergent folks together is energising. Oh and such a relief.
It Took So So Long For ME To Understand
But when I was young every day was exhausting. Trying to be who I needed to be to avoid the inevitable punishment was exhausting. I believed I was broken (I seriously hoped I was from another planet). I had to fix myself. But I could never quite be the same as others, because I didn’t really want to I just wanted to be myself.
This is simply background to something important that struck me today. I did realise a while ago, but somehow it was only today that all the pieces came together.
Now I Create To Love Myself
For a long time I was waiting for something. Undefined. For it to get better? Maybe it would get easier for me to cope? And for some reason it never occurred to me to accommodate myself. I was so stuck in freeze, or taking care of others needs.
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Then I had a meltdown. Its not something that happens often. It was embarrassing, but understandable. I have been smeared, criticised and metaphorically beaten down for it. At the time it was my partner who really let go, was critical, she was embarassed. No support. She left for a week.
She is no longer in my life.
My Space is Full of Joy
I have my own space now. I live alone and I sit in joy. The furniture is whimsy, colourful and fun. The view is stunning, like a castle turret. It looks out over a city, the ocean and the breeze is heavenly.
My priority is myself. My life is authentic, and my toys enable creation. The focus is joy, nothing more or less. Will I be with someone again? Maybe. If they accept me, love me, enable me as I am
This is my fortress. A place that is safe. A home that supports and delights, where I can be authentic. I didnt have to wait, I now know this and do it for me.
pEace OUt
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Originally published at https://squashedfrog.org on May 15, 2026.
