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Frasier Crane’s Secret Code for Callers

“Tossed Salads” and “Scrambled Eggs” are just the beginning…

2 min readOct 29, 2023

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From: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frasier_Crane

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  • “Tossed Salad” = a functioning neurotic; the type of person who occasionally gets thrown off but can still host their own radio show
  • “Wedge Salad” = a stylish but ultimately impractical person
  • “Fruit Salad” = a person who is overly sweet; and, sometimes, a person with very little foresight — the type who buys bananas and then leaves them on the counter to turn brown
  • “Mashed Potatoes” = a person who is overly accommodating, often takes on the personality of those around them
  • “Diced Onions” = a person who routinely makes others cry
  • “Chopped Carrots” = a person who feels physically or emotionally impotent
  • “Roasted Brussels Sprouts” = a bitter person who must be handled delicately, often blames their own distastefulness on the failure of others
  • “Marinated Meat” = a person who likes to soak in the world around them, is often found soaking in a literal tub
  • “Grilled Cheese” = a person who melts under pressure
  • “Blanched Almond” = a person who is afraid of aging, is often addicted to precise washing regimens and skin care
  • “Pickled Cucumber” = a person who is stuck in their ways, typically grows more sour and warty by the day
  • “Canned Vegetable” = a shut in
  • “Stuffed Turkey” = a person who is full of themselves; alternatively, a person with disordered eating
  • “Parboiled Rice” = a person who got early advantages in life, went to the good preschool
  • “Pasta al dente” = a person with a firm hand shake
  • “Corn on the Cob” = a person with a stick up their butt
  • “Pig in a Blanket” = a selfish person who is always cold, often asks for things to be brought to them
  • “Sloppy Joe” = a person who frequently forgets to wash their hands, never learned to pick up their own socks
  • “Fried Egg” = a person who has children
  • “Soft Boiled Egg” = a hardened person with a good heart
  • “Hard Boiled Egg” = a hardened person with a hardened heart
  • “Sous Vide Egg” = a person who didn’t notice things changing around them until it was too late
  • “Scrambled Eggs” = a person who is clinically insane (and a good candidate for a referral to Niles!)

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Amy Greenlee
Amy Greenlee

Written by Amy Greenlee

Editor of Pause Button & Gospel of Jest. Words in McSweeneys, Belladonnas, Slackjaw, etc. Writes to the sound of her kids screaming. Twitter: @greenleeish