Cursed
Sometimes I feel cursed when I find it very hard to sleep, often ending up not sleeping throughout the night. I feel like my life is useless and that I haven’t achieved anything; I’m just wasting my time. I see myself as a worthless person who cannot do anything and is incapable of achieving anything in the future. I constantly worry about proving myself and rush toward academic validation to show others that I am not useless, but rather capable of more than they think. Despite this, I struggle with consistency and have fears that prevent me from doing what needs to be done.
This too shall pass, perhaps, but sometimes I feel so hopeless and without direction in my life. I struggle to hold onto responsibilities and find it hard to navigate through life. Suddenly, everything around me feels useless, and I have this overwhelming thought that we are all going to die one day, leading me to believe that we shouldn’t hustle through our lives.
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Yet, at other times, I have this wild notion that I shouldn’t waste a single second of my life since we only live once. This leads to feelings of FOMO, making me think I’ve lost so much time and haven’t enjoyed my life as I should. Sometimes, I feel incredibly motivated to take action, but then anxiety and my fears take over, and I end up doing nothing.
Why do we always seek perfection? Why do we think that if we do something unacceptable in our society, we should follow the standards set by it?
