SONDER
“The weight of mistakes and decisions can often blind us to the beauty of life” - Unknown.
The profound or often sudden realisation that every random passerby is living a life as vivid, complex and chaotic as your own.
Now I'm not trying to be introspective or anything. I'm simply trying to relate the word “sonder” to my personal experiences. I study Theatre arts. A course that constantly demands you put yourself out there especially if you want to shine. In my first year, I hid a lot. Not from people, but the final boss that is “the stage”. Well honestly I kinda hide from people too, I'm not the most outgoing person…..I believe I'm better now in my third year than I was in my first year. I had very minor moments in stage because I believed I was the only one that experienced the fear of performing, the cold choking grip the overwhelming pressure of being on stage has on you.The fear of messing up and what people of thought of me constantly faced through my mind like a NASCAR high on nitro.
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In my second year, I wasn't any better. I think I slowly started to see that maybe other people experienced these feelings too. But, my own mind like Imogen heap’s - Headlock “didn't believe any of it”. As life went on, I started to realise that not a lot of people actually paid attention to me as much as I thought they did. Yesterday, a couple of friends and I acted out a fake fight to get attention and sell tickets for an upcoming play of ours. One thing I noticed is that while a few people got up to try and separate us, about 70% of the rest of the people in the cafeteria didn't care enough to interfere. They just sat and watched and when the whole fight was said to be a staged thing, they all just carried one with their lives.
I'm in my third year now and something I've learnt is that a lot of the time when you walk into a place, the whole world doesn't pause to watch you…….quite obvious right ? But I really did think all eyes shifted to me just because I walked in. To be honest, no one really “cares” in a sense, expect you're of course actively doing something to stand out. People have their own complex lives to focus on. One person can be thinking of their next meal, another can be thinking of their next class, another can be thinking how to resolve a fight with their roommate and so many more.
For about 2 weeks now we've been rehearsing for a play. I've studied people at rehearsals (like I do most of the time) and I've come to realise, they also are sometimes lost on how to act, they also sometimes need the director’s input, they also sometimes feel the choking feeling of performing in front of a crowd. It's not “just me”. It all comes down to learning to control that fear rather that letting it control you. Everyone I act on stage with are human too, they also experience that “gbim gbim” in their chest when they are suddenly called out to do something in front of everyone. Sonder is a very simple concept…..but, a lot of the time , the world moves too fast to even acknowledge its existence.
