And so, I run.
I’ve been writing on Medium since August ’25, I believe. I’ve been telling my stories, exploring the depths of my emotions. All of this is an attempt to document my roaring 20s. It’s been slow. Not just my 20s but also my growth on this platform but it exists, so for now, that’s a win. For now, that’s enough.
If I am being honest, I genuinely thought I would have more visibility as a writer by now. But I don’t. Not a lot of people read my stories except a few good friends (and I am grateful and indebted to them for it). Thinking of the stats on my stories brought but little joy to me until last night. Last night, I had an epiphany: Not a lot of people are reading my writings. You know what that means? It means that I have an empty auditorium all to myself. I can sing as loudly as I want, dance as weirdly as I like, and more importantly, I can write anything I want. I now have a platform where I can explore who I am when the world is not watching. God knows I’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this my whole life.
Today, I have decided to document my thoughts during my 6 am runs. I call them “morning-run thoughts”. I know I could have easily done this on my personal journal and what you’re about to read might not even be new discoveries to you. But I have chosen not to go gentle into my 20s. I have chosen to “rage, rage against the dying of the light”. And you all shall bear witness to it, especially when the world is not watching.
Morning run-thoughts (Episode-1)
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As I entered the gate, a few other people entered and began their rounds almost at the same time as me. I overtook some, some overtook me. During my first round my senses were too captivated to even form thoughts. I was lost in the beautiful harmonization of John Mayer’s skills blended with that of the legendary B.B King’s, playing in my earphones and my optical senses were occupied by the beautiful canopies made by the sturdy green trees. The sun’s warmth softly kissed my skin as I made my way into the tracks.
During my second round, I saw some of the people I overtook previously, overtaking me. And I thought to myself, what was more important? Completing the round or being the first to complete the round? The correct answer to this lies in priority and perspective.
Say your priority is to complete the round, then your focus shifts from others to yourself. Everyone has a different set of qualities and abilities. Someone has better strength than you, someone has better endurance than you. And this stands true for you too; you have better strength and endurance than someone else. You only realize the latter when you turn back and look. Equipped with different qualities, obstacles and goals, being able to complete a round especially as a beginner is certainly a fair achievement.
However say your priority lies in being the first to complete the round, then you will need to be well prepared for that sort of challenge. You will not only need to know your own levels in terms of strength, fitness, endurance and adversities but also be well versed with your competitors’ strengths and weaknesses. The goal becomes to do better than a bunch of strangers. It becomes a form of strong validation. Does it have to be though? Very conflicted on this because before you know it, it becomes a form of toxic validation. But here’s the thing (hear me out): it’s still validation.
“Oh you’re going to be there someday.” Well, I wanted to be there yesterday itself but alright, thanks.
Suppose you do beat these strangers someday, what’s next? You find a new set of strangers to beat or you time yourself, focus on beating your own record and create a new one. Ultimately, the question boils down to two primary possibilities: should I be better than others or should I be better than my past versions.
My two cents (despite all the above two cents): When you talk about being better than others, you make a variable your reference point. For others are evolving too, it’s never constant. Your past version, however, becomes a fixed reference point. It has already been solidified in time. And we all know calculations involving variables can have a strong affinity towards complexity.
Truth be told I have multiple and treacherous perspectives to this alone so I am going to leave this thought dangling. With this, I aim to spark debates and invite your two cents, someday when I have a wider audience.
