What is Self-Sabotage?
Sometimes we look at ourselves and believe we never really deserved the things we got. Maybe it was the award you got in a competition, or the relationship you dreamt about for decades. In the end, you still looked at yourself and thought it was never meant for you. You’ll find yourself looking at the things you have thinking that you’ll never be enough for any of these. These “things” you have, should be with someone who really deserved them, and not you. These feelings, these situations are what early self-sabotaging starts with.
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This is experienced amongst society more than you’ll think, from teenage girls who were bullied in middle school to grown men having to go to their 9 to 5 jobs to be able to pay rent that month. In todays world, most of us live in places where we are expected more than we can do. More than we can normally achieve. People around us, the society that is surrounding us have expectations for us so high that we can’t see the end of the line. You try and try, you work with whatever you have in hand but it’ll never be enough. This creates the feeling of never feeling fulfilled with the things you achieved, because in the end it’s still nowhere near the goal they set. Self-sabotaging starts exactly at this point, the point where you start realizing it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth the hard work, the painless nights nor the depressing thoughts you tried so hard to suppress for weeks, even months. You’ll start letting go from now on, you’ll push people away because they deserve better people, you’ll push your dreams aside because the line is far too above. But no matter if you let everything go, in the end you’ll still feel weak.
To break this cycle, you’ll have to first accept what you are and continue from it. The first step to everything in your whole lifetime will be acceptance, no matter how different the situation is or how far away you are. Acceptance was always the answer in every aspect because it required you to acknowledge where you were and what you were. But sometimes as people, we tend to not believe certain things. We tend to ignore it as much as possible as we are way more comfortable in the world we believe in. Unfortunately, delusions won’t help you in the long term. Without learning how to accept and move on, the feeling where you never feel fully enough will always be on the back of your mind no matter what you do. You’ll continue pushing away the people you loved, in the end you’ll still be as alone as you were in the start.
But you are way more than that, you are way more than some stupid line people set up for you. Humanity is a spectrum, we were never the same with eachother, instead we were always one with the people around us. Without eachother, we would have none. If you have something, it was always meant for you to have it. The fact that you exist and walk with the people around you is already the greatest proof that you are enough. Pushing away your dreams and the people you love will only hurt you more. Never be afraid to seek help. Maybe one day, you’ll stop seeing yourself as someone to fix, maybe you’ll start realizing you were always someone worthy of staying.
