Dusts cobwebs in the library
Crazy how seeing the name of this person still makes my heart race. It's been years and I should be over her. It looks like I have a crisis at hand
Since the last one ended, I haven’t had another.
At least not officially. Just a few tries and flings here and there.
Remember that tweet that goes “ This year, I will chase the bag not woman. This is December, where is the bag?” , that tweet was meant as a jab to me.
Actually, not a jab, a reality check.
2024 , apparently has ended. And mehn, it was a lot.
One thing I learnt about myself this year, is that I can let go of everyone almost immediately.
Well, not everyone. That girl still has an effect on me. But going by her statement “ if you hate me that much, cut ties with me”, I will make sure there is no room for any communication between us ever again. Call me petty, but that's the best thing for me to do at this point. It's been a long time coming.
This year has not been the best of years for me. I suffered, I failed, I disappointed myself a lot. I got depressed, had panic attacks and became friends with anxiety. At a point, I relied on pills ( puritin o, i don't do drugs) to sleep.
The only positive highlight of my year though, is that I graduated and I joined AIESEC.
I lived life very lonely this year. Most relationships lost meaning to me. I became heartless, and cold. It didn't bother me if anyone wanted to leave my life this year
Just get the fuck out already.
I went from actively trying to holding on to relationships to leaving my door open to everything and everyone. Crazy thing is though, I had a lot of departures and no entries. The lack of new people in my life is as a result of me keeping everyone at arm's length.
AND YES, I DIDN'T FALL IN LOVE THIS YEAR.
To be honest, I'm scared because I think I will never fall in love again. It hurts me that I may have lost the ability to be in love again. I went from lover boy to lonely boy in a span of 2 years. This year, I was lonely a lot. Not because the I couldn't talk to the few people in my life, but because I didn't want to disturb their time with their people. I realized everyone around me had their person except me.
Now, that's fucked up.I'm slowly slipping back to the person I was before I fell in love. Maybe that's a good thing, but it shouldn't.
I miss love, but I don't think I'm ready. You know what's worse, everyone thinks I'm in a relationship.
Get The Lone Wolf’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Tell me about “ awon iyawo nko or wedding lo ku”
Make everybody dey play
One thing I realized this year is that i burn out badly. I work like a machine, and I burn out like one. Completely ragged and unstable to work for a long recuperation period till I reenergize. The downside to this though, is that I can’t live like this if I want to maximize my potential. One thing I would look out for next year.
The “Jack of all Trades, master of none” phrase is a thing in my life. I have a diverse range of skill sets , but I am not a professional in any. I realized this when I noticed I wasn’t getting feedback from every job I have applied to. And yes, I have to be worried because I applied for a lot of remote jobs this year, and got none.
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
Thanks to AIESEC, I realized I have a thing for Finance and I want to lock in on it.
IF YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE LINK ME WITH INTERNSHIPS AND JOBS IN FINANCE. I AM LEARNING ABOUT IT, AND I LEARN RAPIDLY ON THE GO.
My Email: adebowaleshuaib03@gmail.com
A part of myself that I'm grateful I didn't let go of this year is my willingness to be of assistance to people. I was more conscious this year to avoid being used. I had enough of the vile nature of humans. I improved a bit on my work ethic, and did my best whenever I could.
Don't fail backwards, fail forward.
I failed a lot this year. I failed myself. But it's okay. I'm not giving up on myself because I believe so much in who I am, and what I can do. Fine, I behave like an asshole every now and then, and I'm probably the lonliest person I know. Still, I'm ADEBOWALE SHUAIB AYOMIDE, and that's all that matters.
I remember telling this girl that I used to keep to myself a lot more before she met me. Well, we didn't work out as I would have loved, and like I told her, I would keep to myself more from now on.
Just kidding.
Who that one epp.
For what I want to achieve in my life, I need to do a lot better than keeping to myself. Connect and meet with people. Actively and passively work towards romance with someone that gets and likes me.
Last thing, I'm sorry to everyone that I have been an asshole to this year. To be fair, you probably deserved it, but I'm sorry all the same.
Jae nae.
