Saying Hello
In order to have others understand my perspective on Catholicism as a queer person, I figure it would be important to make an introduction & give anyone who reads this some background about me. My confirmation name was Cecilia, and that is the name I will be using on this blog. I will also be using they/them pronouns, both for anonymity, and because that is a set of pronouns that applies — like I said, I’m queer.
I’m what is often referred to as a “cradle Catholic”: I was baptized into the Church as an infant, and brought up on the “standard” timeline — First Communion at 7, Confirmation at 13. I was also extremely active in the parish where I grew up; I was an altar server from the time of my First Communion, began serving as a lector in middle school, and was a cantor through high school. With that kind of background, you’d expect I’d be almost entirely faithful throughout my life, but that was not the case.
I figured out I was some flavor of queer in high school, though figuring out what kind is in many ways an ongoing process (I’ve mostly settled on my sexuality, but my gender is still weird). At first, I simply did not consider the dissonance between my queerness & what the people of the Church were teaching; unfortunately (maybe fortunately?), that did not last. My friends had begun pointing out the issues with things like “hate the sin, love the sinner”, and my faith began to fall away. How could a church that preached love think that my friends & I were going to Hell over something we could not change?
I lapsed somewhat during my first round of undergrad, mostly going to Mass for high holidays and specific feast days, as well as whenever I visited my parents. My lapse was compounded by developing mobility issues — since I was walking to Mass, or taking public transit, it became very difficult to get myself there. Because I had partially lost my faith, it simply fell by the wayside.
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I continued to be spiritual in the intervening years (I’ve always believed something is out there, no matter what form that took), but, for a while, didn’t consider myself a Catholic as much as I had previously. I kept up with the goings-on in the Church, generally, but I wasn’t nearly as active.
All of that shifted around 2022, when I started trying to (re)connect with my heritage and ancestry, and began to feel called back to the Church. I began going to Mass more consistently then, and also began veiling when I went, which was not strange — I prefer my hair covered in sacred or spiritual situations. I also started looking into saint veneration, which has since become a core part of my faith. I lean on the saints I venerate — including St. Cecilia, to whom I am still connected — with regularity, praying novenas to them in addition to our Mother Mary, and I am considering writing prayers and chaplets for them, which I will post here if I do.
I’m grateful I returned to the faith when I did, as it has allowed me to sponsor a dear friend — who will be known as Dymphna when I mention them here — into the process of conversion through OCIA. I will be speaking about that here (with their permission), both to speak about Catholicism through the eyes of someone who is both queer and newly Christian, and to speak about how it affects my faith, especially as I’m going with them to the meetings for support.
In addition to that, I’ll be writing reviews on Catholic & Christian books (even if they were not written by someone in the faith), prayers and chaplets (as I mentioned), poetry, and anything that feels right. Dymphna may also make appearances, as they are themselves a poet. I do hope you will join me (and us) on this journey of faith, even if my/our perspective isn’t one you would usually consider.
God bless.
