I have spent the most formative years of my life at EFLU.
Being an adult for the first time was...eventful. It was naive, it was new and it was life-changing. I had so many firsts, as an 18 yr old. I hate decisions, and 18 made me take so many of those, that you’d think I have gotten used to it. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I had. 18 saw me crazy, stupid, making mistakes, whining about the consequences and then crying about whining. Oh I hate whining, by the way. I saw myself go through phases and do things I hated when other people did them. But I made friends. I think that’s one thing I did right. I met some absolutely wonderful people and decided that I want to keep them in my life.
18 was naive but I could still crash out about cataclysmic 19. I have a theory. At 19, you go absolutely berserk, and take decisions that hurt you and hurt people around you and face consequences that you later realise were completely unnecessary. At 19, you meet people that burn themselves onto your brain chemistry forever and not in a good way. You learn lessons, and life becomes one whole act of letting go.
I knew all of this from others’ experiences, but boy did I go through EVERY. SINGLE. EMOTION. at 19. I donot recognise that person anymore. I donot know why she did what she did, but I cannot help but feel for her. I feel sorry for her, I feel love towards her, I feel angry at her, but I cannot disown her. She was me, and I have to give some credit to her because ohmygod she wrote. She wrote all her feelings out on to countless pages and when I read them back now, I donot understand how she arranged twenty-six letters into all those words that described exactly what she felt. She is my villain and hero all at once. I donot know how 19yr old me got through all that, but I know that she is the reason why I stand today. I am who I am because she was who she was.
I’m 20 now, and I am so proud. I am so proud of how far I’ve come but I’m so proud of the decisions I have taken since I left the burning age behind. I have since then, chosen quite a lot of peace, that I wasn’t sure if I was capable of. I have found something that I believe is worth nurturing. I donot think I am qualified enough to talk about present me, because that can only happen best in hindsight.
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EFLU has seen all of it. It saw me laugh out loud, cry and scream and weep, get hurt, stand up again, get hurt again, lie down and stay there, fight, stay silent, win and lose but most of all, it has been there through all of it.
I donot know yet if I am coming back here (as my friends and my mom keep telling me, I might), but I am beyond grateful to this place. I feel immense love and only gratitude when I think of EFLU. (Don’t worry, the hater in me is working overtime still.)
If I come back here, I’ll be only excited to see what kind of opportunities and lessons I encounter next. So long EFLU!
