graduate?
hello, I am not sure what I’m trying to do here but I’ll be sharing what I do with my life on this Earth and how I feel and think about it. if you resonate with these experiences, I am both sorry for you and glad. no further explanations.
about a week ago, I began my eighth and final semester of college, and I can’t wait to graduate; to be free of the assignment and exam cycles, and dealing with people seemingly your age but who seem to have not grown past the 13-year-old mind. graduating is also terrifying though, because I have no idea what I wanna do after. or rather I have too many things I wanna do? and I know, it’s very common to feel this way, everyone does, that’s what everyone says; but we all feel it differently, I think. one thing I know for clear, is that I don’t want to do psychology anymore. the way my college has taught the subject has stripped it and me of its dignity and I no longer wish to listen to people talk about their problems all the live long day. I’ll listen when you’re in desperate need of it, and I’ll offer my understanding, empathy, and advice if you seek it. I’m a good listener, I know that from experience and feedback. but I won’t be able to carry on with it for several hours a day, even if I’m getting paid for it.
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I feel like I need a creative job; something that keeps me occupied and engaged. not boring. not repetitive. a good enough paycheck. safety and security in employ. work from home. okay, it’s starting to get a little unrealistic, maybe. but idk maybe there is something. idk. I get a little naively hopeful sometimes.
I’ve been struggling with engaging in any kind of work, lately. idk if it’s procrastination, fatigue, burnout, or just pure laziness. I can’t even seem to start; and when I do, I don’t finish it. (believe me, I sat here on my bed, writing this, stopped to try to keep up with my racing mind, stared at the curtain, almost gave up because I couldn’t write it all down fast enough, and thought, “I’ll come back to this when I have the energy” “no, you won’t, do it now, at least finish one.” welcome to my neurons’ thought-firing systems.)
you know what, now? I think if I continued on, this one blog post wouldn’t end. so, let’s think of this as a first impression (probably a really bad one), and let’s hope I pick this up again and make a better impression in the next post.
bye bye for now, I hope you have a great rest of your day :)
