How PFDs Operate
That one entry I did called “PTSD” is popular with you guys and I don’t want to go back to read it to find out why. There’s a photo I added as its cover of Jim Carrey drinking mushroom coffee as Doctor Robotnik so I already know what it’s about… and I hate it. I can’t stand that guy’s face anymore. It doesn’t even exist anymore. Jim Carrey made sure of that. That man has never been in a horror movie and now I know why: it’s because HE is the horror movie. The last thing an escape artist like him wants to do is make a movie that’s like his real life. There’s been nothing more chilling than hearing him spend years saying he doesn’t exist, which is already disturbing, but then he proceeds to cut off the most expressive part of himself while he — does what? CONTINUES TO EXIST. He’s a nightmare, like some kind of monster — a zombie, vampire, or… the devil, incarnate.
Which is perfect, actually, for my webcomic.
I started writing this story when I was 13 called “Dealing with the Devil.” I had grown up reading every single Wizard of Oz novel. Each made me more angry. I couldn’t figure out why, so I kept reading. There are like 40 novels in this series, by the way, and I’m not what they call “a reader,” so it’s impressive how I invested so much in something that made me so mad. It only hit me well into my AP literature years that the entire series upsets me because it’s about a little girl’s adventures as told by A MAN. It’s not just that, but he is a man who claims that he wrote this series FOR children. Why couldn’t he have written it from the perspective of a little boy then, especially because he had the experience of being one? “Write what you know,” is the oldest rule in writing. Here I am, ACTUALLY a little girl, when I read the series, and this grown-ass man is choosing what someone like me would do and why in this morbid world where nothing dies but everything suffers. Yes. That’s what the land of Oz actually is. If something dies, even if it were consumed, it continues to live as the pieces of what it once was. Horrific. The worst part though? DOROTHY NEVER GROWS UP. Reading his writing felt like reading a manuscript on how to be a girl, and it says to be a man.
It also occurred to me right around these angsty years that Oz wasn’t the only problem. Stories like Alice in Wonderland, Coraline, and Peter Pan were all written by MEN and yet were all about little girls! Now, decades later, I have a word to describe this phenomena of adult men’s fascination with little girls: PDFs.
Haha, jk. It’s like some kind of “womb envy,” or other objectification based off a fantastical perception of their desires. I’ve researched PDFs quite a lot because of how my most viral video (+8 million views) took off due to everyone’s misunderstanding of what PDFs are and how they operate. Under the video of me asking a kid, from my stilts, to help me take the back off my Robotnik sticker, there are hundreds of kids arguing about whether I’m a PDF. Yes. ME. A PDF. There are literally people arguing about how I could pick this kid up and fly away with him in my butterfly queen stiltwalking get up. Yes… and post it to social media so everrryyyyooone can watch me commit the crime! It’s genius!
Anyway, PDFs aren’t going to be wearing fantastical outfits, doing fantastical stunts in broad daylight in the middle of the most public intersection in town with multiple cameras on them coming from all directions. What they are going to be doing is playing in or working for large organizations in authoritative roles where kids are present, especially where they will be 1:1 with them. We’re talking schools, churches, social media, and video games, like Fortnite.
Get Aisha Dreams’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
I got into playing Fortnite because of the kids. The last time I substitute taught was for sophomores in high school. They turned out to be the same kids I’d started substitute teaching for in 8th grade, which was unnerving. They recognized me and I recognized them, but neither of us acknowledged it. They had misbehaved then and now they misbehaved again, all while my back injury is still dictating my mood, which is NASTY.
This last time, one of the worst behaved kids wouldn’t stop playing Fortnite on his phone during class. They had an assignment to do, that he was just blatantly ignoring. They’re not only not supposed to have phones out AT ALL ANYMORE in school, but this kid also brought controllers — 2 of them — and was pulling the other kids into the game with him. He wouldn’t put it away even when I resorted to calling security on him. Later that day, I saw him looking sheepish and ashamed. Calling security wasn’t a solution. He wasn’t going to respect me more by laying down the law. I described the situation in the substitute teaching subreddit and they all told me I should find another job. I don’t disagree. Unless I can take a hit, a physical hit, I’ll never be comfortable teaching in public schools. That’s when I decided I needed to see what this “Fornite” is all about.
So some guy just came up to me in Starbucks because I’m wearing my Fortnite shirt. I don’t think it was nice that I was nice to him, and took down his Fortnite handle even though I have no intention of ever adding him, but I was nice because I’ve come around to realizing being truthful and honest should be reserved for those who’d appreciate it.
But this is why I got into Fortnite! There’s a whole community with social lubrication facilitated by this game, and it’s a game I’m good at. I could kick those high schoolers butts now instead of call security on them… if I could just recover enough from this back injury to do so. I’m at the point where I can handle sitting at Starbucks on a computer for 2 hours now with mild discomfort. That’s no where near the 6–8 hour minimum required for a “real job,” but, hey, after 3 years of suffering with this, I’ll take what I can get.
I just restarted my OnlyFans anyway. I took a hiatus for about 3 months while I deep-dove into Fortnite. I even started livestreaming Fortnite because people kept asking and encouraging me to. The last time I did it, there was a little girl who I played with. She had to be like 4–6 years old and WAY too young to be playing Fortnite. I caught her getting abused on camera so now I can post it to my socials as a PSA to parents who are worried their kids are going to be abducted by a stiltwalking fairy.
It turns out it takes A LOT more work to get paid to livestream video games than to livestream self-massage on Chaturbate. I also noticed I wasn’t doing ANY self-massage anymore if I wasn’t getting paid for it, which was terrible for my health, especially while I’m still trying to recover from this back injury. I also found that livestreaming gaming helped to mitigate how much I played, so now I don’t play at all. Go figure. How I’ve wrapped my mind around it is by thinking I must be tying up some loose ends from my childhood by embarking on this foray into Fortnite. It’s certainly raised my self esteem to have a score of 25 kills while everyone else has 0–2. I bought a Batman mask and nearly-nude Batman skin to create viral clips of how I play, but… the penguins are calling.
I recently told almost the entire penguin story to the girl working my preferred dispensary. It had me sweating, and I realized I was practicing with her, so that I can tell the full story for my socials. It’s such a ridiculous story. There are an obscene number of twists and turns, but what makes it crazy is how it’s real. We’re talking the part where I asked Jim Carrey to help… and he didn’t, so now I’m asking Owen Wilson. The rest of the story is upsetting, which is why I’ve been putting off telling it. Despite how much Jim has tormented me, telling the parts where I tried to meet him and then did are still fun. They come off different than how they used to, which is for the better I suppose. I used to tell those parts with awe, but the anguish is more relatable.
