The Pathway
Waiting and letting time do its work turns out to be quite difficult, right? At the age of just 26, I have experienced many changes and constantly think that whatever path I take, it will never be right.
As it turns out, it seems like … I’m just impatient.
From the start, I had already decided what path I wanted to take. I gave myself an unreasonably short time limit. I honestly think I would have succeeded at the time, but anxiety made me doubt everything, thinking that I was too late and that this path could not possibly make me successful.
The fact is that people need a longer time to reach the success phase. In fact, there is still time to move on to run the remaining ones. Even though, in reality, I just need to fight harder, longer, and smarter to achieve what I want.
But I gave up.
I gave up so quickly.
I decided to change paths, making another decision that I honestly didn’t know whether I would like or not. I found some fun there, but now everything feels sick.
Maybe I’m just being anxious again.
Maybe I’m just missing my old routine.
Maybe I’m just naive.
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Now, I’m trying to open a new path again while living my life on a path that I don’t really like.
I just realized that being an adult is complicated.
I need to stick to one path that gives me a sense of security, even if it’s unpleasant, while the other me tries a new path in life, one that doesn’t seem safe but feels fun.
I still don’t know the path I’m on now.
I don’t know which one is wrong or which one is right. I don’t feel either right or wrong.
Maybe they are just a pathway.
Maybe this path gave me new information that there are things I like that are not in the same container.
Maybe I should make peace with that situation, even in an activity I love. I still have to decide whether the tiring side of this activity is something I can compromise on or not.
Maybe I’m not on the wrong track.
Just because it doesn’t give me the results I want, just because I’m not good at predicting the future, doesn’t mean it’s a mortal sin.
I did make mistakes; I wasn’t good enough at completing what I did, but… that doesn’t mean this is the end of my life, right?
Maybe I just need to fight and believe that time also requires energy to create the reality I want.
