My Truth
Everyone has heard of gender identity and/or gender roles; how many actually understand the meaning of those statements?
Growing up I was taught there was two genders: male and female. Once I hit an age where I started to understand social dynamics, I learned that that was wrong. There are two sexes, not two genders. The difference is simple. When you are born you are classified by whatever lies underneath. If you have a penis, you are assigned the sex male. If you have a vagina, you are assigned the sex female.
By the time I was in the third grade my parents started to talk to me about puberty. Of course, at the time, thinking about being a gross pubescent male was not something I was willing to talk about. Instead of talking with my parents about puberty, they got me a book. The book talked about hormones and the physical changes one might experience while going through puberty; growing hair in places where you had no idea hair could even be, changes in your voice, physical attraction to others.
Something the book failed to teach about is what gender is. Gender is a self-identifying perception of themselves. We are raised in such a binary world, (binary meaning two, as in two sexes.) that we often overlook this aspect of our lives. There is no true construct of gender as it is different for everyone, but there are a few very common examples.
Many people self-identify as male or female, but some don’t feel they belong in that classification. Some may have been born one sex, but identify as the other, while this is true for some, there is still so many different ways people self-classify. There is non-binary, meaning they don’t conform to either male or female. There is also an androgynist, meaning they identify with both masculine and feminine characteristics.
That being said there are an endless number of ways to identify. There is no wrong way to identify either. For some, this idea is ever shifting; while for some once they figure out who they are they choose to stay that way.
Now you may be asking where gender roles come in, that’s what I am going to tell you now. Gender roles are commonly referred to as things you are expected to be because of your biological sex. For example, if I was born a male, I would be expected to be strong and tough. I would be told not to show emotion because my job is to protect others and keep them safe. Sadly, this is the reality of many people. They are told they have to conform to these unhealthy stereotypes and are forced to live lives they maybe do not want to live.
Exploring who you are is a normal part of growing up. You spend your time learning what type of music you like, who you like to hang out with, what you find interest in doing, people you are attracted to, and for many even their very own gender.
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I started to question the things I did and felt when I was around ten. I liked to dress up like a princess, I wanted to wear makeup, I had almost only female friends, I always chose a female character when playing house or games with my friends. Despite the fact I was assigned male at birth, (amab) I choose to self-identify as transgender. The majority of the time, I choose to identify myself as a woman. When I don’t fully conform to the identity of a woman, I identify as non-binary and androgynist.
I was told that I was gay, and that was the reason I did those things growing up. When I turned twelve, I knew that I was not who others thought I was. Sure, I liked guys, but I also liked everyone else. I choose to like someone based not solely on sexual orientation, but rather on personality and certain characteristics they portray. I do however have a stronger attraction to more feminine presenting people. This can include trans-men, trans-women, cis-women (born a woman, and still identifies as such), and femboys.
There are many ways one can develop a better sense of themselves. It takes lots of time and consideration, but you can do things like changing your name, changing the way you dress, changing your pronouns to better suit you, doing vocal lessons to change your voice, even doing surgeries that help you affirm your gender. You can also take hormones (HRT: Hormone Replacement Treatment) to better shift the way your body naturally presents itself.
I changed my name from Kaden to Alex. I did this because “Alex” is a very gender-neutral name that when used, I don’t need to worry about it being gender specific, making it more appropriate for my gender-fluidity.
I plan on doing HRT, and eventually even getting gender affirming surgeries to help me feel more like myself. Right now, I am doing smaller things like wearing more feminine clothing more often, wearing makeup, using non-male pronouns, growing out my hair, and doing vocal training to raise the pitch of my voice.
I do not claim to be an expert on any of the topics I previously discussed. I am writing purely off of my own story and stories from those who are closest to me. Something important to remember is that your identity is yours. No one else can decide that for you, so if someone tells you that you are something other than what you choose to identify with, then they are wrong.
Identifying in whatever manner you choose is very important for your self-confidence and for boosting your identity. You are unique, so show it. Tell everyone who you are.
Coming out can be scary, but you have to know that everyone you look up to and say that they are so strong for being who they are also had to overcome this. I won’t lie, coming out is not a walk in the park. I would start with someone you trust like a close friend, then expand out to other friends or an adult you trust and eventually telling your parents and your family. Once you do this you can also tell your school. At the time of writing this, I have only come out to the people I live with, no one in my family knows this about me. Most of my friends know, but not all.
To wrap up everything said, it is important for you to figure out for yourself your own truth, your own path of life, and don’t let me tell you anything different.
