Shockingly Normal and Reasonably Quiet
First
Encouraged and emboldened by friends and loved ones (at least 3, maybe 4 people), I’m putting down a collection of thoughts on my life as a 34-year-old first-time father, raising a now 6-month old munchkin with my long-time partner Annie in our deceptively small condo. On the surface, we’re a run-of-the-millennial family that didn’t have a wedding and waited to have kids long enough to make our parents wonder. But below the surface? Also pretty basic maybe with a pinch of Paprika.
Now that you’re hooked, I’d like to share an appropriate reflection on a question I’ve gotten so often: how does it feel to be a Dad?
My answer to that is reflected in the title of this collection, and it’s not actually a joke.
After our 4 week (maybe 6 week) stay in neonatal care, we’d wake up with the dog and the baby on either side of our bed, and every 3 hours, one of us, sleepy-eyed and cranky, would smuggle a bottle or breast into his mouth to return the quiet to the night, and as soon as it was new, it became normal. Every day would become more normal, even as we discovered new feelings of unequaled affection for our newborn, as wooden toys painted in pastel colors replaced books and records with pastel covers, even as I started feeling kinship and likeness to peers beginning their journey, it all felt we were living as ordinary people live. We were people and we were people-ing. Doing our verb.
It’s at this point I’d like to talk about one of the great unspoken, under-recognized perks of new parenthood: using the baby as an excuse to get anything and everything you want. Annie’s favourite phrase before participating in consumer capitalism: I want to get this done now before the baby comes. If we had $500 for every time she uttered that phrase, we might break even.
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Yep, Mom’s be Mumming. But me? I had to make tough decisions. Like the time I put my foot down and said, this family will have a car because this baby needs to visit his maternal grandparents off Montreal Island. And then proceeded to buy the plugin hybrid I’d been coveting for 3 years. This was for the baby. I bought it for him. You’re welcome, baby.
Compromises of course need to be made in your lifestyle.
For instance, HBO and chill became way too common when my work day finished, and we noticed our little one spent a bit too much time with his eyes fixed on the screen. There’s a ton of new research that babies should not have screen access until 18 months. Again, Dad had to step in. I got rid of our TV.
And I bought a projector. This high-def, streaming supernova with screen size capacity reaching 120” is exactly what we needed to ensure our son would have focus, concentration, and grit by sidelining our aging 42” LCD TV. We cleared space, turning our TV stand into a midcentury modern Montessori toy shelf, and we limited our own screen time to watching life-size characters fill our wall after the baby went to bed. Good Dad of the year award? If you insist.
Speaking of responsible parenting, my allocated time for writing is coming to a close, and I’m about to embark on a 3-day long father/son staycation so Annie can share her post-maternity wisdom and experience with a friend for a weekend baby shower bash.
Please, if you made it this far, stay tuned for my next post: Second. I’ll talk about baby sleep things and also explore ways Dad’s can help out if their partners are breastfeeding.
BYEEEEE
