For Hamza
There is no air in this room
Technically, maybe, there is
But it doesn’t belong in my lungs
There’s something off about this oxygen
I don’t think it was always like this
The sun rises differently too
It doesn’t soar anymore
It just listlessly defies gravity
Slowly and steadily climbing in its arc
Across the sky
Hamza, my lion
It is you I follow across the sky
You weren’t a shooting star
I saw the milky way in you
A whole bright night infinity
I tell myself that we didn’t lose you
When you were set free
You are not gone
Just back floating among the stars
I still see you
We still hold your memory here
Folded like hands in prayer
When I blink, all the water falls out of the air
And I am submerged in this river of grief
Again,
I can’t go on
No, the wise mind says to my child mind,
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Do not turn around,
You are not going that way
There is a way forward and we will find it
My chin trembles but I keep it up
I can’t go on, I’ll go on
Hamza,
I find you in the North Star
I hear your chant in the beat of my heart
Keep going
There’s a vision that can’t be
Unless we are here to realize it
Keep going
For you Hamza,
With our prayerful hands, we will build it
We just have to
Keep going
This air still doesn’t taste right
But I’ll keep breathing
And the sun may rise differently now
But if it can rise still
Then I can too
Then you can too
And we can find the way forward together
This poem is dedicated to my friend and movement leader, Hamza “Travis” Nagdy, who brought my city of Louisville, KY together in the wake of the murder of Breonna Taylor.
Long live Travis.
Long live Breonna.
Long live David “Yaya” McAtee.
Long live Tyler Gerth.
May all their killers be brought to justice and may all the good we do here on earth honor their memory. We will never forget.
