I Failed
and Still Chose Myself.
I received my university results. I was genuinely okay — more than okay, I was happy. I had tried. I had shown up despite living through depression and serious health issues at the time, and only I truly know how heavy those days were.
There were moments when I desperately wanted everything to end — my exams, my pain, my exhaustion. The exams ended, but the physical and mental struggles did not. Even now, my face carries the weight of sickness, asking quietly for rest, i never got.
My mental health, though still fragile, is better than it was last year. My physical health, however, feels worse — because what the mind carries, the body eventually shows. They are deeply connected, and I am still learning to listen to both and to take care.
I was at my happiest after receiving my this year results — until I remembered there was one more result left. A result that shook me. It was unexpected and deeply painful because this time, I truly tried. This was my second attempt, and I failed again.
The tears came instantly. The disappointment was sharp. My mind rushed ahead to the faces of people who would find out — what they might think, how disappointed my family would be, how this failure would be defined. I know there were difficult circumstances both times I failed, but I also know most people don’t see that. Only I do. Only a few close ones do.
I have failed before. I have been disappointed in myself countless times. I have spoken to myself with cruelty, punished myself with harsh words, and abandoned myself when I needed compassion the most. But this time was different.
This time, I did not criticise myself even once.
Yes, I cried. Yes, I felt disappointed. Yes, the fear of facing people crossed my mind. But alongside that fear, there was reassurance. Somewhere along the way — quietly, gently — I had learned to speak kindly to myself.
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There was no voice telling me I was unworthy. No voice saying I always fail, that I never try hard enough, that I have disappointed everyone again. Instead, the voice said: Look at what you achieved in your other subjects. You failed an exam twice, not life. Try again.
This surprised me. I used to be someone who hated herself for making mistakes. Someone who believed failure meant self-abandonment, self criticism. But here I was, still standing with myself, still gentle, still hopeful.
I realised something important: I don’t fear failure itself. I feared being stuck in this one thing forever. I wanted it to end, to disappear from my life. Failing again became a lesson — not of weakness, but of courage. A lesson in facing fear with confidence instead of running from it.
Until the day this chapter truly closes, I will keep trying. And I will keep on laughing, enjoying, dancing, and living just the way i do. I refuse to punish myself for failing. I choose to take this moment positively — not because it doesn’t hurt, but because I deserve kindness even when it does. This time i choose kindness over cruelty. I chose to never abandon myself last year as a birthday gift to myself. So, i felt happy seeing this.
If you fail and then live like you’re already defeated — stop enjoying life, drown in stress, and turn inward with cruelty — I hope you pause. I hope you see failure as a lesson, not a life sentence. Move forward. Try again.
Every delay, every failure, every obstacle, every uncertainty is shaping something better. Trust the universe’s timing. Not everything misaligned is a punishment — sometimes it’s protection, sometimes it’s redirection.
Most importantly, do not abandon yourself when things go wrong. Be the one who stays even when everyone abandons you. Hold yourself until the storm passes. Because when you fail, or you are hurting, the one who will always be there — if you allow it — is you. Never abandon yourself.
Work on your inner voice more than you worry about people’s opinions. A kind inner voice can save you in moments when no one else is around. Accept yourself. Acknowledge yourself. Be proud of how far you’ve come — even when the road ahead still feels uncertain.
I was shocked when i saw such a vast amount of positivity in myself after doubting myself for a moment. It might be nothing for some people but it’s a lot for me.
Failing, making mistakes and still choosing kindness was not easy. Because i was a girl who abandoned herself when she needed herself the most. I was a girl who was so harsh on herself, who criticised, punished herself over and over for smallest mistake. Being a person like that in past and then this, It’s an achievement for me.
“A girl who was once consumed by negativity has slowly grown into someone who chooses light.”
Thank you.
