Invalidating Feelings: your step-by-step guide to improving compassion

I see this often: the invalidating of people’s thoughts, lives, and experiences. You need to do better. Sitting back and saying nothing is hard, so I put this step-by-step guide together to validate appropriately.

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1. Don’t laugh. These are real experiences, feelings, and thoughts people are going through, and the moment you make a joke, you’re adding to their negative impact. Some humor is appropriate but laughing about it….you’re not being nice. It’s rather cruel. Imagine if that was you. Let’s laugh and joke about your experience…nah bro…don’t do it.
2. Don’t apologize. Saying sorry means well, but it is super triggering to others. Use another word. I also refer to my other writing on why saying sorry is something I refuse to do.
3. Don’t offer your advice on what to do better. That’s demeaning. Instead, ask permission if you can. Always always always ask first before dispensing your advice. It’s never wanted unless permission is granted.
4. Silence is a good thing for many. Yet we as people struggle with that. Sitting in silence is hard because we must constantly be busy as humans. It’s not about you this time. Give that person space and allow them to verbalize their own needs.
5. Ask what they need for support. Asking that identifies the needs vs imposing your own.
6. I’ll probably have more later, but always identify when you’ve fucked up and own it. That’s the strongest thing you could do.

These are just suggestions. Try them out.