Abnormal
We are never abnormal but suppose we are made abnormal.
My abnormality didn’t appear in my dark fog, but I just quietly realized that I am not normal.
Those nights were not too much nasty, those mornings were not that much heavy, those days were not flowing, but of course those thoughts…
Those scary thoughts which were cutting my heart. How cruel, my mind was that I was even bleeding but still it didn’t stop bringing thoughts.
Just utterly those thoughts turned into scars, and those scars left a permanent wound in my heart, that refused to fade.
And yes those thoughts and those wounds made me blind inside, and I became abnormal.
My solitude was not that much harsh, but people around me, were.
I was all alone, I kept every word in my heart, there was no one to listen, no one to hold me and maybe that cruel part made me abnormal.
People used to call me crazy minded girl, and I didn’t believe that I was just keeping a hope inside me that I am normal but…
Indeed, I was not normal.
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People told,
I study a lot that why I am crazy but in reality it was not at all, of course their words which broke me, their judgments that made me to overthink, that made me to hate my own self, the fear from my own brother, making me mentally tortured and blaming my gender, they weren’t less to make me abnormal.
Somebody said it is normal to feel this, but those panic attacks, I can never forget those nights when I was putting ink on my scars, those nights where I was hurting myself, if this is normality then abnormality is what?
I revolt myself when I cry in nights like a clumsy, spiteful, like mad women.
Years passed but still I was stuck inside my head with the same depression.
Sometimes, with the time depression gain and maybe that is main point, that made me an abnormal girl.
Laughing and crying at the same moment is not normal.
I am abnormal, but I even cannot consult a doctor for it and perhaps, I don’t need a doctor, I just need a hand to hold tight, but maybe it is only mochi, who can.
So I am still an abnormal girl and maybe now I am much more bleeding with this abnormality.
Abnormality can swallow you whole but from outside makes you too strong, so I am living this abnormal Bady in my dark room.
But why I should become normal when I am a fine artiest with my abnormality.
