Happy birthday
i promise i won’t text , call or reach out to you ever again.
another year has passed by, happy birthday.
it is pathetic for me to still write about someone that left 2 years ago. and what’s even more pathetic is that no matter how hard i try to scratch that date out of my mind, it settles and lingers like a ghost that will forever haunt me. this specific date , a significant date for you.
i used to dream that in future, whenever its your birthday, we will happily sing that stupid “happy birthday” song continuously till we get sick of it but we won’t even mind because it’s the fact that we are celebrating it together . i used to fathom us having these silly , sweet moments and i used to hold onto these delusions to somehow become a reality one day.
every single year we grow older and perhaps you forgot how you once promised that you will love me forever . it is ironic how a mortal is offering eternity, when you said you will love me all your life . (well, i guess your life was too short, no ?)
everybody moved on with their lives, including you. i heard from an acquaintance that you had multiple other girls after parting ways with me. i mean, i cannot blame them, can i ? you and your stupid charm , the one that managed to captivate my heart , the one that is unforgettable.
everybody moved on except me.
i still sing happy birthday to you every single year that passed by without having you anymore,
i still pray to God to keep you under his care and guidance,
and i still remember everything all too well.
i can never move on from what we were and what we could have been if you just stayed . if i loved you more , if we fought harder to keep us. i wonder sometimes if one thing had been different, would everything be different ?
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five stages of grief , people say.
denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance.
i’ve went through 4 of them but i could never accept the fact that we ended . the fact that you chose to leave without explaining anything. the fact that you left me with all these stupid promises that you failed to keep. the fact that you knew you were the only source of happiness and love that i got at that time and the fact that somehow , after every single thing , i still love you.
if you ever come across these articles one day, i hope you know how much this maimed me. how deep of a wound you have inflicted upon me. how i was drowning in agony and despair since the day you left. how i wish you had stayed .
the funniest thing is i fathomed you as someone i would walk down the aisle with, the one i was convinced to marry one day, the one that i included in all my future plans yet also the one that i lose even before starting that so called future.
nevertheless, happy birthday.
sweet 17 and good luck for your spm,
i promise ,
i won’t call
but
i would answer in a heartbeat
if you
did.
